Mallrats 2: The Next Generation
by T.S. Quint
Summary: (COMPLETE! IT IS FINISHED!) A new mall. A new group of slackers. The first in a series of stories featuring the students Metro East Public High in Metro East, Illinois, and the nephews of Jay and Silent Bob: Paul and Silent Zach! Reviews would be nice!
1. Welcome to Metro East

Disclaimer:  
  
  
(JAY and SILENT BOB walk out onto a white screen.)  
  
JAY: I don't see how we sunk so fuckin' low as to be instigating a disclaimer. (SILENT BOB shrugs.) Anyway, Mallrat's is owned by Kevin Smith, unfortunately. (Turns to SILENT BOB.) I've pulled better things outta my ass, to be honest. And this stupid shitty excuse for a sequal is even worse. I mean fuck! We ain't even in it, except for this lame ass excuse for a disclaimer! Instead there's these two queers that are supposedly our nephews! Paul and Silent Zach! What kinda shit is dat?! I swear to God, that motherfucker author must've been high. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but fuck, there's a time and a place, ya know luchbox?  
  
SILENT BOB: Those two (makes quotations with his fingers.) "queers" are our nephews.  
  
JAY: God damn, there you go with that fuckin' one-liner shit again.  
  
SILENT BOB: Jay, shut up.  
  
JAY: Oooo! Two lines! Now I'm impressed. Fuckin homo.   
  
SILENT BOB: Anyway, what ignoramous here forgot to mention is that he and I are also trademarks of Kevin Smith, and not author T.S. Quint, who coincidentally is also borrowing that name from Mr. Smith. Now, you may notice that this fic is probably not like any of the other Kevin Smith fic's you've ever read. Such as the fact that it doesn't have a single Kevin Smith character in it. But it was inspired by one of Kevin's many great movies, and features two characters that are very similar to shithead (points to JAY) and I, so I think you will find it enjoyable anyway, if you just give it a chance. See, this story takes place in a small town called Metro East, Illinois and the events that happent to the students of Metro East Public High School. As a matter of fact, he also has four more stories planned that take place in Metro East, and feature Paul and Silent Zach. If this story goes over well, those other's may just see light. Speaking of which, any feedback would be appreciated, but please no flames. Thank you.  
  
JAY: Heh... you said flames. (SILENT BOB rolls his eyes.) Fuck man, that was the most queer assed thing I ever heard you say.... " please no flames. Thank you!" God, you's just gettin' gayer and gayer every day! (SILENT BOB, fed up with hearing JAY, walks off.) Hey! Don't walk away, motherfucker! I ain't done yellin' at you yet! (walks off after him.) And what's with callin' me a shithead, fatass?!  
  
  
  
Cast of Characters  
  
  
Lyle Grant: A senior at Metro East Public High School, Lyle is the ultimate slacker and consumate mallrat. When not at school or at work, sleeping, he's at home playing video games or watching movies (mostly Kevin Smith movies *wink wink*) or reading comic books. The often sarcastic Lyle is best friends with Corey Ryker, and arch nemesis to Quentin T. Bennting, MEPHS's sinister art teacher.  
  
Corey Ryker: A sophomore at MEPHS, Corey is actually a halfway decent student. However, after being rejected by Sheila Portmann, a girl Corey had a major crush on, he takes to hanging out at the mall, with his best friend Lyle Grant, to try to forget his problems.  
  
Katja Farrell: A freshmen at MEPHS, Katja is good friends with both Corey and Lyle, despite the fact that she is the complete opposite of both of them. Katja goes to the mall with Lyle and Corey to try and help Corey cheer up. She finds Corey's negative attitude a little irritating.  
  
Paul and Silent Zach: The ultimate juvenile delinquents, and nephews of the infamous Jay and Silent Bob of New Jersey fame, Silent Zach is the quiet type, while Paul is, well, not. Paul and Zach, when there not at school (which is frequently) they're at the mall, either loitering, sticking their noses in other peoples' business, or generally causing trouble.   
  
Quentin Bennting: The villain of our story, Bennting is the evil art teacher at MEPHS, and has had it in for Lyle since day one. Constantly plotting evil things, he is assisted by senior, and ultimate flunky, Chris Hicks.  
  
Sheila Portmann: A pretty, but extremely snobby sophomore at MEPHS, Sheila is the object of Corey's affection. However, when Corey asks her out, she rudely declines, instead hooking up with Sean Williams, one of Corey's most hated foes.  
  
Sean Williams: A sophomore at MEPHS, and big time prep, Sean Williams is Corey's arch enemy, especially now that he has stolen Sheila away from our protaganist.  
  
Chris Hicks: A senior at MEPHS and the ultimate teachers' pet, Chris spends most of his time helping Bennting plot against Lyle.  
  
Jarrett Ryker: Corey's younger cousin, Jerret hangs out at the mall constantly. Particularly outside the Victoria's Secret store, trying to, as he so elequintly puts it, "pick up chicks." He is also the one to go to for information on the goings on at the mall.  
  
Melanie Tiborr: An extremely annoying freshmen, Melanie has a huge crush on Corey. She is constantly pestering out protagonist, despite his obvious dislike for her. The horror!  
  
Jason Phelps: Jason is a worker at the mall, more specifically at the comic store on the second floor of the mall. He hates his job, but for some reason, continues working there. He finds his co-worker, Erik's lack of respect for the customers to be very irritating.  
  
Erik the Red: Erik also works at the comic store. He has a blatant lack of respect for anyone and everyone, and is not afraid to show it. He has a particularly strong dislike for Paul and Silent Zach.  
  
Dean Ponivas: Ponivas, or Ponti, as he is more commonly called, works at the comic shop with Mercer and Erik. He works constantly day and night, and goes absolutely berserk when ever anyone so much as mentions Pokemon cards.  
  
Jenn Poltek: A little freshmen, Jenn likes to hang out inside lockers and eavesdrop on other people's conversations. Which is why Lyle has dubbed her "The Locker Gnome."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
OPENING   
EXT. MALL  
  
  
(Camera pans around parking lot of Fairview Heights Mall, getting shots of all the entrances. LYLE GRANT's voice is heard giving the monologue.)  
  
LYLE: This, ladies and gentlemen is a mall. Now I know what you're thinking.... "Ooo! A mall! How special!" in an extremely sarcastic tone. Well this isn't just any mall! (Scene switches to inside of mall, panning past all of the stores.) No, this is the mall to end all malls! In this very mall, my best friend fell in love twice, my worst enemy had his greatest moment of triumph, and I got framed for stealing. And all the while there was a comc book convention going on! In the mall! If you want to hear how this whole thing went down, sit down, shut the hell up, and listen. If not, go into the nearest restroom, bend over, and screw yourself!  
  
(Scene fades to black. Title and Opening credits play.)  
  
  
INT. LYLE'S ROOM  
  
  
(Scene opens showing shot's of LYLE's room. There are clothes strewn about lying in piles everywhere, as well as comic book, empty soda bottles, bags of chips, etc. The bed in the middle of the room is unmade and empty. To the right of the bed is a nightstand with a digital alarm clock on it that reads 7:29 AM. To the right of the bed, laying on a particularly larg pile of clothes sleeping is LYLE GRANT. He is about 6'2", thin and lanky, 18 years old, with curly brown hair, that is almost afro like. He is wearing a red Rage Against the Machine shirt and cutoff blue jeans. The clock on the nightstand suddenly changes form 7:29 to 7:30, and a shrill alarm goes off loud and clear.)  
  
LYLE: (His eyes snap open and he leaps to his feet.) It wasn't me, I swear! Chibs did it! I would never spit in the fries!! (Realises he's not at work, and calms down. He walks over to the alarm clock and hits the snooze button. The alarm continues to go off. LYLE hits it three more times to no avail. Finally he picks it up and throws it against the wall. The alarm stops.)  
  
LYLE: (Stifling a yawn) Infernal machine... (Walks over to the pile of clothes, and collapses onto it.)  
  
LYLE'S MOM: (From outside of room) Lyle! Wake up! It's time for school!  
  
LYLE: (Still lying on pile of clothes. Groans) Uhhh.... I can't go today, mom. I....uh...think I'm sick! (Let's out an extremely fake sounding cough.)  
  
LYLE'S MOM: Lyle, don't start!  
  
(LYLE lets out a loud groan, and slowly drags himself to his feet.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
  
SCENE OPENS  
EXT. METRO EAST PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL  
  
  
(Scene opens with a panning shot of MEPHS parking lot. A blue Toyota Camry pulls into the lot, stopping in front of the main entrance of the school. COREY RYKER exits the passanger side of the car. He is a handsome 16 year old, 5'3", with spiked dishwater blonde hair. He is wearing blue jeans, and a white t-shirt with a blue overshirt. He watches as the car pulls out of the parking lot, letting out a deep sigh once it is out of sight. He then turns and enters teh school.)  
  
  
INT. SCHOOL  
  
  
(COREY reaches his locker, and throws his book bag into it. He shuts the locker and leans up against it, exhaling deepley, as if he's nervous about something. KATJA FARRELL walks up. She is a pretty girl, a little shorter than COREY, thin, with green eyes, and long brown hair that is tied up in a pony tail. She is wearing blue jeans and a sleeveless sky blue shirt.)  
  
KATJA: (cheerfully) Hey, Corey.  
  
COREY: (in a distracted tone) Hi.  
  
KATJA: What's with you?  
  
COREY: What do you mean?  
  
KATJA: (Imitating him) "Hi." You seem less than cheerful.  
  
COREY: (Gesturing around him) Yeah, well look where I'm at.  
  
KATJA: Well, I'll give you that, but that's not what I meant. You seem nervous about something.  
  
COREY: I'm not nervous about anything.  
  
KATJA: (Smiles) Liar.  
  
COREY: Well, if your going to be pushy about it-  
  
KATJA: I'm not being pushy.  
  
COREY: I was thinking about asking someone out.  
  
KATJA: Oooo! Anyone I know?  
  
COREY: Sheila Portmann.  
  
(The two begin walking down the hall.)  
  
KATJA: You've had a crush on her for a while, haven't you?  
  
COREY: Since the beginning of last year.  
  
KATJA: Well, I hope today's encounter with Ms. Portmann goes better than yesterday's.  
  
COREY: Yeah....let's hope....   
  
(COREY looks skyward as dreamy flashback music begins playing. Flashback scene begins: LYLE, COREY, and KATJA are standing in front of COREY's locker talking.)  
  
LYLE: And then, the hamster flew out, and broke the other guy's nose!  
  
KATJA: (Makes a face.) Eww... that's disgusting!  
  
LYLE: (Rubbing his chin making a contemplative face) But true!  
  
COREY: My question is, who's bright idea was it to light the thing on fire?  
  
LYLE: I have a theory about that. I think that between the pain and the embarrassment he was in, the guy just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.  
  
COREY: The first thing that came to mind was to light it on fire?  
  
LYLE: (Shrugs) Hey, people say some pretty crazy shit when they're in situations like that.   
  
COREY: (Shaking his head.) Yeah, I guess... (Sees something that suddenly makes him stop talking. A vacant stare crosses his face.)  
  
LYLE: What's with *that* face? (Looks in the direction COREY is. In an understanding tone.) Ohhhh...  
  
(The camera follows COREY's gaze to show SHEILA PORTMANN chatting with some nameless student. SHEILA is a pretty girl, about 5'4" with long blonde hair, and blue eyes. She is wearing a sleevless pink shirt, and a short black skirt.)  
  
LYLE: Two words. Ob-session.  
  
KATJA: That's one word, Lyle.  
  
LYLE: Quiet, you.  
  
(The bell rings. Students begin filing towards their first hour classes. COREY begins walking, his gaze still fixed on SHEILA and not on where he is going. LYLE and KATJA do not notice this.)  
  
KATJA: (To LYLE) Well, I guess I'm gonna head to first hour.  
  
LYLE: Ha! Going to first hour is a sign of submission to authority. Well, screw authority! I'm staying right here! (Shouts to all the students walking by) That's right! March to your classes like trained dogs, you nazis! (Finally notices COREY walking around aimlessly) Hey, Cor, better watch where you're going before you run into a-  
  
(COREY slams into a locker and falls to the ground.)  
  
LYLE: (Wincing)....locker.  
  
(After hearing the sound of COREY running into the locker, SHEILA turns to see him lying on the ground, holding his nose. She laughs and walks away.)   
  
( Dreamy music plays again, and the flashback ends. COREY is so lost in thought from thinking about the event that happened the day before, that he fails to notice the locker he is rapidly approaching. He slams into it and falls to the ground. KATJA rushes over and helps him up.)  
  
KATJA: Are you alright?  
  
(LYLE enters the scene, walking up behind the two.)   
  
LYLE: Two times in as many days. I'll tell ya, Cor, I am impressed. Those lockers are killer!  
  
COREY: (Sarcastically) Damn, that's funny.  
  
KATJA: Hey, Lyle.  
  
LYLE: Hey. (Leans up against the locker COREY ran into, looking at it.) Dang, you musta ran into this thing pretty good! There's a big friggin' dent in it now. (Looks at the locker's number.) Ha! Sixty-nine! I think someone's tryin' to tell you something.  
  
COREY: (Still being sarcastic.) Wow, you're on a roll today.  
  
LYLE: I know. (Looks at locker again) Heh. Gotta love that sixty-nine. (Bangs on it. A voice from inside exclaims "Ow!") Ah, what do *you* know? You're just a stupid locker! (Pauses for a minute.) Wait a minute.... lockers don't talk!  
  
(COREY rolls his eyes, and reaches past LYLE opening the locker. JENN POLTEK tumbles out. She is a short girl with long brown hair that goes down to her waist. She has brown eyes, and is wearing a long sleeved red shirt, and a green skirt.)  
  
JENN: (Sitting on the ground, smiling weakly.) Hiya, Corey... Katja... Lyle.  
  
LYLE: (Crossing his arms.) Well, well, well, if it isn't the nosy little eavesdropping locker gnome!  
  
JENN: (Getting to her feet) Don't call me that!  
  
KATJA: (To JENN) Why do you do that, anyway?  
  
JENN: Do what?  
  
KATJA: Sit in those lockers.  
  
LYLE: Cause she's nosy and likes listening in on other peoples' private conversations! (To JENN) Eavesdropper!  
  
JENN: I'm not eavesdropping! I prefer to think of it as keeping myself up to date on current events.  
  
LYLE: And I prefer to think of it as eavesdropping!  
  
JENN: (Shaking her head) Whatever. (To COREY) I'd be careful today, if I were you.  
  
COREY: What, me? Why?  
  
JENN: Well, I was in locker 275 yesteday-  
  
LYLE: (Interrupting) Eavesdropping!  
  
JENN: (Gives LYLE a dirty look, then continues.) When I heard Sean Williams talking to Ryan Evers. He said taht if he caught you so much as talking about his girl, Sheila, he'd kick your ass.  
  
COREY: What?! Since when is Sheila *his* girl?!  
  
JENN: Don't ask me. I'm just tellin' you what I heard him say.  
  
KATJA: (To COREY) What're you going to do?  
  
COREY: I don't care what Sean Williams says. I came to school planning to ask Sheila out, and that's exactly what I plan to do. Right after seventh hour.  
  
KATJA: Good for you!  
  
LYLE: Grrrr....that Sean Williams kid really pisses me off! One of these days, I'm just gonna kick his ass!  
  
(CHRIS HICKS enters the scene, walking up behind the group. He is tall, skinny and gangly. He is wearing black slacks, a white dress shirt, tie, and suspenders. He is wearing glasses over his brown eyes, and has a crew cut. In other words, your basic nerd.)  
  
HICKS: (In a very obnoxious tone. To LYLE) You'll kick his *what*, Mr. Grant?  
  
LYLE: (Sarcastically) Oh, yay. It's my favorite sniveling little teacher's toady. Chris Hicks.  
  
HICKS: (Walking up to LYLE, trying to look imposing.) I hope you didn't curse just a few seconds ago. Because that's grounds for detention! (Smiles smugly in LYLE's face.) You didn't curse... did you?  
  
LYLE: (Bluntly) Yeah, I cursed. I said ass. As in, "Chris Hicks is an ass."  
  
HICKS: (Fuming now) That's it! I'm reporting you to Mr. Bennting!  
  
LYLE: (Shrugs) Go for it.  
  
(The first hour bell rings. COREY, KATJA, and JENN all run off to their first hour classes. HICKS gives LYLE a final dirty look. LYLE merely grins at him.)  
  
HICKS: (Angry that he's not getting ot LYLE.) You just wait, pal! You'll get your comeupance soon! Just you wait and see! (Exits scene.)  
  
LYLE: Ah, bite me, cronie. (Exits scene.)  
  
(The hall is empty for a few seconds. Suddenly, the door to locker 70 rattles, then bursts open, and MELANIE TIBORR tumbles out and onto the floor. She is about 5'2", and skinny, with long black hair, and brown eyes. She is wearing black jeans and a blue t-shirt, with the word "princess" written on the front.)  
  
MELANIE: (Groans and staggers to her feet.) Corey's gonna ask Sheila out! He can't do that! He and I were meant to be together! I have to stop him! But how...... (Thinks for a minute, then snaps her fingers.) Of course! (She starts laughing maniacally.)  
  
(HALL MONITOR LINDSEY walks up. He writes out a tardy slip then stuffs it into MELANIE's hand. She stops laughing.)  
  
LINDSEY: Get to class, young lady. (Exits scene.)  
  
MELANIE: Wha.... but...Mr. Lindsey! Wait a minute! (Runs off after him.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
  
INT. SCHOOL, ART ROOM  
  
(Scene opens in the darkened art room. QUENTIN BENNTING is hunched over a large, hideous clay sculpture of some kind of monster. BENNTING is a thirty-something male, about 6'1" with scraggly brown hair, blue eyes, and a short beard. He is wearing a turquoise polo shirt, and black slacks. He is currently shaping the hideous monster's teeth with an exacto knife.)  
  
BENNTING: (With a deranged smile on his face.) Soon, my creation. Soon you will be complete. Finally, all my hours of labor will have paid off!  
  
(Suddenly, the door to the art room bursts open, and HICKS bursts in.)  
  
HICKS: (In a loud, whining tone.) Mr. Bennting!  
  
(BENNTING is so startled, he accidently makes a huge gash in the clay creature with his exacto knife, ruining it. He stares at it wide eyed for a second, then suddenly screams, raising both of his fists high in the air, and bringing them down hard on the squig, obliterating it. He then turns to HICKS, a look of fury on his face.)  
  
BENNTING: (Shouting) You idiot! Look what you made me do! Do you ahve any idea how long I've been working on this?! Huh?! Do you!?!  
  
HICKS: (Cowering in fear) I'm sorry sir! It was an accident! Please don't hurt me! Lyle Grant-  
  
BENNTING: (Rage intensifies) Grant! I should have known he had something to do with this! That slacker is the source behind all my problems, however indirect. Tell me, Hicks, what did Grant do this time?  
  
HICKS: (Angrily) He... he called me a bad word!  
  
BENNTING: (Disdainfully) I'm impressed. You're not crying.  
  
HICKS: (Proudly) Thank you, sir! (BENNTING rolls his eyes.) So... what're you going to do about Lyle Grant? Ya gonna give him a detention?  
  
BENNTING: No.  
  
HICKS: Good! (Then it sinks in.) No?! What do you mean no?!  
  
BENNTING: I'm not going to waste my time giving Grant a meaningless detention, when after tommorrow, I'll never have to see him again.  
  
HICKS: Oooo! Do you have a diabolical plan to get rid of him, sir?  
  
BENNTING: (Smiling evilly.) Just meet me at midnight tonight at the mall in Fairview Heights. All will be explained then.  
  
HICKS: Okay, sir. (Exits scene.)  
  
BENNTING: (Begins laughing, softly at first, but gradually getting louder. He turns around, sees the demolished clay monster, and stops laughing.) Why did I do that? I could've fixed that hole! (Begins sobbing)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
  
INT. SCHOOL, HALLWAY  
  
  
(Scene opesn showing the empty hallways of the school. Camera then focuses on a clock in one of the halls. The clock reads 2:59. The instant it hits 3:00, the bell rings, signifying the end of seventh hour and the school day. Instantly, students begin pouring out into the halls. COREY is shown pushing his way through the crowd. He stops a few feet away form where SHEILA i slooking at a small mirror in the door of her locker, adjusting her hair.)  
  
COREY: (Opens his mouth to speak, but then stops and shakes his head. He repeats this process twice, before finally speaking. In a small voice.) Um... hi, Sheila.  
  
SHEILA: (Turns to look at him. Rolls her eyes when she sees who it is.) Oh... hello, Corey.  
  
COREY: (Rubbing the back of his neck nervously) Sooo...um.. how's your day been?  
  
SHEILA: (In an annoyed tone.) It was okay. Are we finished yet?  
  
COREY: Not yet. There's...um... something I wanted to ask you.  
  
SHEILA: (Looks at her watch, then puts her hands on her hips.) Fine. Make it quick.  
  
COREY: (Nervously) If you're not doing anything tommorrow night, would you want to go see a movie or something.... (SHEILA looks at him blankly)... with me?  
  
SHEILA: (Bursts into laughter.) I'm sorry. For a second there, I thought you were asking me out.  
  
COREY: Ummm... I was...  
  
SHEILA: Corey, Corey, Corey. (Puts a hand on his shoulder.) Look, I don't want to sound offensive... but I will anyway. I am waaay out of your league. I would neve, ever go on a date with someone as low a class as yourself. As a matter of fact, I'd rather be gutted by a chainsaw and have my head crushed in a vise, than go out with you. You're beneath me, Corey. Plain and simple. Need I go any further? (COREY shakes his head, a mixture of shock and sadness on his face.) Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd rather not waste any more of my time talking with you, when I could be doing something more constructive. Like chewing glass. Goodbye. (Exits scene.)  
  
(COREY stands silently for a few seconds, not sure what just happened. Suddenly, SEAN WILLIAMS walks up behind him, spins him around, and slams him into a locker door. SEAN is your standard prep. He is good looking, with bleached blonde spiked hair, and grey eyes. He is pretty built, and is about 5'6". He is wearing a red Tommy Hilfiger polo shirt, tucked into khaki slacks.)  
  
SEAN: (Through clenched teeth.) What the hell were you just doing?!  
  
COREY: (Weakly) Sean... Hi... umm... what's new?  
  
SEAN: Oh you think this is funny?! (Slams COREY into locker again.) You think that's funny?!  
  
COREY: (Wincing in pain.) Not particularly...  
  
SEAN: Oh, a smartass, huh? (Punches COREY in the gut, causing him to keel over. Kneels down next to him.) Listen up, smartass. You stay away from Sheila. She's mine!  
  
COREY: (Breathin heavily) Yeah, well-  
  
SEAN: (Slaps COREY across the face.) Shut up! You stay away form her. Got it? (COREY nods slowly.) Good. (Stands.) And to make sure you don't forget this anytime soon, I'm gonna give you something to remember it by! (Kicks COREY in the stomach, then proceeds to stomp on him.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
  
INT. SCHOOL, HALLWAY  
A few minutes later.  
  
  
(Scene opens showing LYLE walking through the hall. He passes the principal's office and stops in front of the door.)  
  
LYLE: (Leaning in and shouting.) Well, I've survived another week of your torture, and my will is still intact! So chew on that, you communist! (Grins and continues walking.)  
  
PRINCIPAL'S VOICE: (from within the office.) That's it, Grant! You just earned yourself yet another detention for next week!  
  
LYLE: Fine by me, Adolf!  
  
(KATJA rushes up to LYLE.)  
  
KATJA: Hey, Lyle, have you seen Corey?  
  
LYLE: Not since this morning.  
  
KATJA: Neither have I. I wanted to ask him how things went with Sheila.  
  
LYLE: Ah, I'm sure things went fine.  
  
(As the two pass locker sixty-nine, the door rattles and bursts open and a bettered and bruised COREY tumbles out and onto the floor. LYLE and KATJA rush over to help him up.)  
  
LYLE: (To COREY.) Wow, you have the worst luck with that locker.  
  
KATJA: (To COREY.) What happened?  
  
COREY: (Groaning.) Well... I asked Sheila out.  
  
LYLE: Yeah, how'd that go, anyway? (COREY shoots him a dirty look.) What?!  
  
COREY: I asked her out, alright. And not only did she decline, she said I was beneath her!  
  
KATJA: (Sympatheticly) Awww!  
  
LYLE: That bitch! (Thinks a moment.) Wait.... you're *beneath* her?!  
  
COREY: Oh, it gets worse. Afterwards, Sean Williams told me to stay away from her. Then he kicked the crap outta me and shoved me in that locker.  
  
LYLE: He shoved you in locker sixty-nine too... damn, that's freaky.  
  
KATJA: (To COREY.) Are you going to be okay?  
  
COREY: I think so... it's just... I didn't expect her to be so mean about this! (KATJA pats COREY on the shoulder, sympatheticly while LYLE stands rubbing his chin, a contemplative look on his face. Suddenly, he snaps his fingers.)  
  
LYLE: I've got a great idea!  
  
COREY: What?   
  
LYLE: I know just how to get you to forget your sorrows! (he pauses. COREY looks at him expectantly.) The mall! (COREY rolls his eyes.) Oh, come on! There's this comic book convention going on there tommorrow. It'll be great! What do you think?  
  
COREY: (Scoffs.) I think you've been watching Mallrats a bit too much.  
  
LYLE: And what's wrong with that? Kevin Smith is a god!  
  
COREY: Well, I will give you that.  
  
(COREY, LYLE, and KATJA all turn to the camera, smile, and give a thumbs up. They then get back into character.)  
  
LYLE: So what do ya say?  
  
COREY: I don't know...  
  
KATJA: Oh, come on, Cor! It sounds like it might actually be fun. It'd be better than moping all day, which I know is what you'd do if you didn't come.   
  
COREY: (Offended.) I would not!  
  
LYLE: Come on, Cor! It's not like you've got anything better to do.  
  
KATJA: (Taking a hold of COREY's arm) Pleeease? Please, please, please? (With each" please" squeezes a little harder.)  
  
COREY: Ow! Alright! Jeez, you two are pushy!  
  
LYLE: (Smiling broadly.) I always get my way!  
  
COREY: (Looking past LYLE.) Oh no...  
  
(The camera follows COREY's gaze to show MELANIE walking towards the three.)  
  
COREY: (Whispering to LYLE and KATJA.) Try not to make eye contact.  
  
KATJA: (Whispering.) Too late! Here she comes!  
  
MELANIE: (Walking up to COREY.) Hiya, Corey!  
  
LYLE: (To MELANIE.) Beat it, ya single cell organism!  
  
MELANIE: (Ignoring LYLE. To COREY.) Wow...what happened to you?  
  
COREY: My face had an unfortunate run-in with Sean Williams's fist.  
  
MELANIE: He hit you? He wasn't supposed to hit you!  
  
COREY: What do you mean, "he wasn't supposed to"?  
  
MELANIE: Well... I heard you were going to ask Sheila out... and I couldn't let you do that! You and I are destined for eachother! (COREY rolls his eyes at that last comment.) And I knew Sean wanted you to stay away from her... so I told him that you were asking her... I didn't know he was going to beat you up!  
  
COREY: (Angry. To MELANIE.) Urrrgh! You're such an idiot! (He storms off. KATJA follows him.)  
  
LYLE: (To MELANIE.) Slut! (Exits scene.)  
  
MELANIE: (Calls after them.) I forgive you, Corey! (She stands alone for a minute. Suddnely, HALL MONITOR LINDSEY walks up, writes out a tardy slip and stuffs it into MELANIE's hand.)  
  
LINDSEY: No loitering after school. (He exits the scene, while MELANIE looks at the tardy slip, dumbfounded.  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.....  
  
  
(JAY and SILENT BOB are shown standing against the white background. JAY is smoking a blunt.)  
  
JAY: (Taking the weed out of his mouth.) What the shit was that?! That was fuckin' gay! They didn't even go to a fuckin' mall?! And where the hell were those two dumbasses that were supposed to be me and tubby's nephews?! That was the worst god damned fic I've ever read!   
  
SILENT BOB: It's not done yet, dumbass.  
  
JAY: What the fuck?! I thought you were supposed to be SILENT Bob. (SILENT BOB rolls his eyes. ) Anyway, my advice to you motherfuckers out there, is don't come back for the second half. Cause, even if it's twice as good as this half, it'll still suck. (Raises his eyebrows and smiles.) Unless of course you're a horny chick... then if you come back, maybe you can get down with me and.... (looks at SILENT BOB.) Actually just me. Lunchbox here is all sortsa gay! (SILENT BOB smacks him in the back of the head.) What?! You know you're all about the pole! (SILENT BOB, once again fed up, walks away.) Hey! Don't walk away from me fatass! Yeah, well fuck you too! (Follows SILENT BOB off screen. Walks back for a second.) Don't forget what I said about you horny chicks! You know you all want this shit! Naga noooootch!! (SILENT BOB walks back on and drags him off.)  
  
  



	2. Enter the Mall

INTRODUCTION 2  
  
(JAY and SILENT BOB walk out onto the white screen once again. SILENT BOB is smoking a cigarette.)  
  
JAY: Hello, once again, little boys and snootchies. (Rolls his eyes.) Aw, fuck dis stupid way of talking. Welcome back, all you no-life motherfuckers, who've decided to waste there time in coming back and reading this second installment of the shittiest fan fic I ever laid eyes on. (Turns to SILENT BOB.) Why da hell are we doin' this? Nobody's comin' back to read dis crap. If da first part was any indication, this homo, T.S. Quint is goin' nowhere fast! I mean, fuck! Even you're queer assed John Hughs movies are better than dis! (SILENT BOB, rolls his eyes and points at the screen. JAY turns to look and jumps, a startled look on his face.) Holy fuck! (Points) Who the fuck are they?!  
  
SILENT BOB: (Takes a drag from his cigarette.) Those would be the "Nobody's comin back to read this crap."  
  
JAY: What the fuck! (Angry now.) I told those fucks not to come back unless.... (his face brightens.)... unless they was horny chicks! (Shouts to the screen.) Hey slutz! Come on down here! Uncle Jay's got somethin' for ya!  
  
SILENT BOB: (Sighs and shakes his head in dismay.) Oh, God...  
  
JAY: What's da matter tubby? (Starts pelvic thrusting.) Is dis shit turnin' you on?  
  
(SILENT BOB looks at him for a moment, takes the cigarette out of his mouth, and extinguishes it on JAY's forehead.)  
  
JAY: (Holding his forehead.) Ow! You stupid fuck! That fuckin' hurt! (SILENT BOB turns and walks away.) Hey! Where the fuck are you goin'! You burned my fuckin' forehead! I'm gonna fuckin' kill you! (Storms of after SILENT BOB.) Come back you tubby bitch!  
  
END OF INTODUCTION  
  
EXT. MALL  
  
(The next scene opens showing the parking lot of the Fairview Heights Mall. It is night. The lot is empty, except for a semi truck and trailer parked in front of the main entrance. QUENTIN BENNTING and CHRIS HICKS, dressed all in black, and wearing black ski caps are creepin towards the truck.)  
  
HICKS: (Whispering.) Well, sir, we're here... now could you please explain to me what we're doing?  
  
BENNTING: There is a comic book convention being held here tommorrow. Most of the comics were brought here during the day. Except for the three that were brought in that truck. They arrived minutes before us. They were brought here under the cover of night because of their value.  
  
HICKS: Their value?  
  
BENNTING: An original printing of Action Comics #35, the first appearance of Superman, Detective Comics #16, the first appearance of Batman, and Amazing Fantasy #15, the first appearance of Spider-Man. The first two are signed by Batman creator Bob Kaine, the third, by Marvel Comics legend Stan Lee, making them worth millions. We are going to take them!  
  
HICKS: (Aghast.) But... but that's stealing!  
  
BENNTING: Not stealing. Borrowing. They'll get them back tommorrow.  
  
HICKS: Then what-  
  
BENNTING: I'll explain it later. Right now, we just need to get those comics!  
  
HICKS: Okay... so, how're we going to do this?  
  
BENNTING: The truck's driver is inside the mall getting security clearances, so you'll have to be quick. The comics are probably in a shipping crate in the back. I saw the driver unlock the trailer befor he went inside, so you shouldn't have any problems getting in.  
  
HICKS: Okay.... wait... what do you mean *I*...  
  
BENNTING: I need to keep a safe distance away. In case you get caught, you know. You'll need somebody to talk you out of it!  
  
HICKS: Oh... (Thinks for a moment.) Makes sense. (Starts slowly creeping towards the truck. He makes it without incident. He slowly opens the back of the trailer and climbs in. The trailer is empty, save for a single shipping crate. The words "Of Extreme Value: Handle With Care." are painted on the top. HICKS pulls the lid off of the top of the crate. Inside are the three comics BENNTING was talking about. However, as soon as HICKS removes the comics from the box, and alarm goes off. The TRUCK DRIVER comes rushing out of the mall.)  
  
TRUCK DRIVER: Hey! What're you doing?!  
  
(HICKS screams in a high-pitched womanly tone, grabs the comics, and runs back to BENNTING. The two dash off, exiting the scene.)  
  
TRUCK DRIVER: (Looking inside the truck to see the empty crate.) Oh, I am sooooo gonna get blamed for this!  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
EXT. COREY'S HOUSE  
  
Early the next morning.  
  
(Scene opens showing COREY's front door. LYLE walks up and pound on the door. After a few moments the door opens and a half asleep COREY is standing there in a bathrobe.)  
  
LYLE: (In a lively tone.) Wakey, wakey! It's precisely...(Looks at his watch.) eight fifteen! The mall opens in forty five minutes, so hurry up, get dressed, and let's go!  
  
COREY: Lyle... its eight in the morning!  
  
LYLE: Eight fifteen.  
  
COREY: Why do we have to be there when it opens?!  
  
LYLE: So we can enjoy, to the full extent, the comic book convention! (Scoffs.) What a stupid question. "Why do we have to be there when it opens?"  
  
COREY: (Going back into his house. LYLE follows.) Well, why do we have to leave so early. The mall's like ten minutes from here.  
  
LYLE: We gotta swing by Katja's place and get her.  
  
COREY: (Sarcastically.) Oh, she's gonna love this!  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
EXT. MALL  
  
Forty five minutes later  
  
(Scene open's showing LYLE's car pulling into a parking space in the parking lot of the Fairview Heights Mall. COREY, LYLE, and KATJA get out and walk through the lot. LYLE is carrying with him a black back pack.)  
  
COREY: (To KATJA.) I can't believe you were sitting on your front porch waiting for us.  
  
KATJA: What's so hard to believe about that? I kind of expected that Lyle would want to be here the instant the mall opened. And I figured he'd be by your house around eight or eight fifteen to pick you up, then come and get me afterward. So I made sure I was up by eight twenty.  
  
COREY: You figured all that?  
  
KATJA: Lyle... comics convention at the mall... yep.  
  
LYLE: At least one of my friends knows where I'm coming from! I mean come on! It's comics, man! We have to be able to enjoy this convention to the full extent! What better way then to be there from open to close?  
  
COREY: Open to close?!  
  
KATJA: Figured that, too.  
  
LYLE: (To COREY.) Damn, man! She's making you look like an idiot!  
  
COREY: What time does the mall close?  
  
LYLE: Normally at nine pm, but because of the convention, they won't be closing 'til midnight tonight! Fifteen hours of comics and mallratting! Does it get any better? I think not!  
  
COREY: (Shaking his head.) I knew I should've stayed home today...  
  
KATJA: Jeez! You're so boring, Corey!  
  
(They enter the mall.)  
  
LYLE: (Takes a deep breath.) I LOVE the smell of commerce in the morning!  
  
(They continue walking, KATJA looking slightly confused, while COREY looks a bit annoyed.)  
  
COREY: (To LYLE.) Is everything you do plagerized from a Kevin Smith movie?  
  
LYLE: Pretty much.  
  
(Suddenly, as they are walking, a loud tone rings out. A P.A. VOICE announces.)  
  
P.A. VOICE: (Cheerfully.) Good morning shoppers! We'd just like to remind you that you are in a mall, and you are expected to spend money while you're here! So what are you waiting for? Consume, consume, consume!  
  
LYLE: (Looking around.) I didn't know this mall had a P.A. System.... I wonder where it's coming from. (As he's walking, still looking around, he suddenly bumps into yellow police caution tape. He pauses, and slowly an angry look crosses his face. The camera follows his gaze to show tables set up for the convention, even covered in comics... but they're all blocked off by the yellow caution tape.) What the hell is this all about?! What's with all the yellow tape?! Why can't I look at the comics?!  
  
COREY: Maybe they aren't finished setting up?  
  
LYLE: Impossible. They were setting up all yesterday! They should've been done by now!  
  
COREY: Well, I don't know what to tell you.  
  
LYLE: (Thinks for a minute.) I'm gonna get some answers. Come with me.  
  
(Scene switches to show JARRET RYKER standing in front of the Victoria's Secret store. He is a bit shorter than COREY, his older cousin. He has parted blonde hair, brown eyes, and is wearing baggy blue jean shorts, a black t-shirt, and a bright red over shirt. A pretty blonde haired girl walks out of the store.)  
  
JARRETT: (Smiling to the girl.) Hey, baby. (Winks.) How you doin'?  
  
BLONDE GIRL: Ugh! Pig! (Storms off and exits scene.)  
  
JARRET: (Nods, watching her leave.) She'll be back.  
  
(LYLE, COREY, and KATJA all walk up.)  
  
LYLE: Hey, Jarrett. How goes the chick picking up?  
  
JARRETT: Oh, hey, Lyle. Corey. (Smiles and winks at KATJA.) Hey, Katja. How you doin'?  
  
KATJA: (Rolls her eyes.) Oh, brother...  
  
JARRET: (To COREY and LYLE.) So, what's up?  
  
LYLE: Well, frankly, I'm pissed off!  
  
COREY: He's all upset because the convention's not open yet.  
  
JARRETT: Oh, that! Well, it seems three of the most valuable comics were stolen last night.  
  
LYLE: Really? How valuable.  
  
JARRETT: All together they were worth at least five mil.  
  
COREY: Five million dollars?! Good Lord! Which ones were they?!  
  
JARRETT: Detective Comics #16, Action Comics #35, and Amazing Fantasy #15, all signed by their respective creators, Bob Kaine, and Stan Lee.  
  
LYLE: (Aghast.) Who could be so heinous as to commit such a crime?!  
  
JARRETT: (Shrugs.) All I know is that they were stolen from their delivery truck last night, and because of it, the comics con will be opening an hour late.  
  
LYLE: Damn. Well, thanks, Jarrett. (He, COREY, and KATJA leave.)  
  
JARRETT: No problem. (Another girl, a brunette, walks out of the store.) Hey, baby. Wanna do it? (The girls smacks him and storms off exiting the scene. JARRETT nods.) She'll be back.  
  
(Scene switches to show LYLE, COREY, and KATJA walking through the mall again.)  
  
LYLE: Damn! Now we gotta wait another hour!  
  
KATJA: (Shrugs.) Oh, well. It could've been worse.  
  
COREY: Yeah. They could've just totally canceled the whole convention. (His eyes grow wide as he sees something over LYLE's shoulder.) Oh, shit!  
  
(The camera follows COREY's gaze, showing SHEILA PORTMANN, and SEAN WILLIAMS walking through the mall, some distance from our heroes. COREY dives behind LYLE to avoid being seen.)  
  
KATJA: They really DID hook up!  
  
COREY: (Quietly.) I don't believe this! And to make matter's worse, Sean'll probably beat the crap outta me again if he sees me! (Ducks behind LYLE again as SEAN and SHEILA pass. When they are out of sight he moves back into the open.) Man! What am I gonna do?!  
  
LYLE: (Thinking.) Hmmm... what you need is some protection...  
  
COREY: Psh! I'll say!  
  
LYLE: (A smile forms on his face.) And I know just the guys for the job!  
  
(Scene switches to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing in front of the mall arcade. PAUL basically looks like a youg, 17 year old version of his uncle, JAY. SILENT ZACH too looks like a younger version of his unlce, SILENT BOB, only without the beard. SILENT ZACH is holding a little kid upside down by the ankles, and shaking him up and down. PAUL is kneeling down, picking up the change that has fallen out of the kid's pockets.)  
  
PAUL: (Standing back up and counting the change.) Fuck! This ain't even enought to buy two tokens!  
  
LITTLE KID: (Upside down, grinning.) My brain feels funny!  
  
PAUL: (To SILENT ZACH.) Put the little shit down. We got his money. He's useless now.  
  
(SILENT ZACH carefully lets the kid down.)  
  
LITTLE KID: (Still grinning.) I eat glue!  
  
PAUL: (To the little kid.) Fuck off!  
  
LITTLE KID: Okay! (He skips off, exiting the scene.)  
  
(LYLE walks up, along with COREY and KATJA.)  
  
LYLE: Stealing from little kids again?  
  
PAUL: Lyle! Snootchie bootchies! And this depressed lookin' motherfucker must be Corey! And this fine assed chick must be Katja.  
  
LYLE: Corey, Katja, this is Paul, and the big guy next to him is Silent Zach.  
  
KATJA: Hi.  
  
COREY: How's it going?  
  
PAUL: 'Sup? (SILENT ZACH merely nods.)  
  
LYLE: So, Paul, my friend Corey here was wantin' to know what you guys think about protection.  
  
PAUL: Protection? Well, I dunno about lunchbox here, but I prefer Trojan. All the other ones tear too easy, you know what I'm sayin'? (SILENT ZACH rolls his eyes and shakes his head.)  
  
LYLE: I'm not talking about condums, you idiot. I mean bodygaurd protection!  
  
PAUL: Ooooh! (Narrows his eyes.) What's in it for us?  
  
LYLE: A crisp, non-counterfit, five dollar bill.  
  
PAUL: (Looks at SILENT ZACH. SILENT ZACH shrugs. PAUL turns back to LYLE.) Alright, we'll do it. We want the money up front though.  
  
LYLE: Of course you do. Corey... the money.  
  
COREY:...What?  
  
LYLE: Give 'em the money. (COREY glares at LYLE a moment in disbelief.) ...What?! You thought I was paying for this? I'm not the one that needs protection!  
  
COREY: I didn't realize there was going to be money involved at all!  
  
LYLE: Of course there is! Bodyguard protection doesn't come cheap! (COREY glares at LYLE a moment longer, then sighs and pulls out his wallet, taking out a five dollar bill. Before he can do anything else, LYLE snatches it from him, and hands it to PAUL.) Here ya go, fellas. Straight from me to you!  
  
PAUL: Alrighty then. Who're we protectin' ya from?  
  
COREY: You know who Sean Williams is?  
  
PAUL: You mean that prep from school? (COREY nods.) Fuck yeah, I know who he is! I've always wanted to kick the shit outta that asshole! Alright, here's what you do: If Williams starts botherin' ya, just shout our names, and the motherfucker will be toast in seconds. Alright?  
  
COREY: But what if you guys are on the other side of the-  
  
PAUL: Trust me. We'll hear ya. Silent Zach here's got ears like a bat. He's like friggin' Superman and shit! He once helped me find my cat, just by listenin' for the sound of it takin' a piss. Hell, he's friggin' better than Superman!  
  
COREY: I hope you're right.  
  
PAUL: Don't worry. We got it covered. (To SILENT ZACH.) Come on, Silent Zach. I just saw two fine ass lookin' bitches go into the Bath and Bodyworks shop! Naga nootch! Catch ya later, Lyleman! (PAUL and SILENT ZACH exit the scene.)  
  
COREY: (Sarcastically.) Oh, I'm feeling much safer now.  
  
LYLE: Hey, they may be a little on the stupid side, but when it comes to making money, they always get the job done.  
  
KATJA: What does "snootchie bootchies" mean?  
  
LYLE: I haven't the slightest. (Looks at his watch.) Dammit! Still thirty minutes 'til the convention opens. What can we do for the next half hour?  
  
COREY: We could leave.  
  
LYLE: We couldn't do anything and still be back in thirty minutes.  
  
COREY: Who said anything about coming back?  
  
KATJA: I wish you'd stop acting like that.  
  
COREY: Stop acting like what?  
  
LYLE: (Not paying attention to their conversation.) Well, I guess since I can't check out the convention yet, I could go upstairs and check out the comics store.  
  
KATJA: (To COREY.) Like you're having such a horrible time. Maybe if you'd just try to enjoy yourself instead of wallowing in self-pity...  
  
(The P.A. System suddenly beeps loudly.)  
  
P.A. SYSTEM: Attention mall shoppers. Would a Mr. Jass please come to the main office? Repeat, Mr. Hugh Jass, please come to the... ( the voice pauses as slight laughter is heard in the background. The P.A. VOICE suddenly sounds angry.) Oh, ha ha, guys! Verrrrry mature. Yeah, let's all make an ass out of the intern on his first day! What do you mean it's still on?!... oh...  
  
LYLE: Okay, seriously! Where is that coming from?  
  
COREY: (To KATJA.) Well, I'm sorry if I'm not having any fun after gettion completely rejected by the girl I like, getting the shit kicked outta me by a guy I hate, getting dragged outta bed at eight fifteen to go to a comic book convention at a mall, finding out the guy I hate has hooked up with the girl I like and is at the mall, and having to hire two stoners to protect me from said guy.  
  
LYLE: Ah, quit your bitchin'. Come on. We're goin' to the comic store.  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL  
  
(Scene opens with HICKS and BENNTING entering the mall. BENNTING is carrying a black back pack, identical to the one LYLE carries with him. The two begin walking.)  
  
HICKS: I really don't understand the point of taking those comics last night if we're just going to return them now, sir. (Points to the back pack.) And why are you carrying them around in *that*?  
  
BENNTING: We're not returning the comics just yet, my dear stupid flunky. And I have my reasons for keeping them in this bag.  
  
HICKS: Does it have anything to do with your plan to get rid of Lyle Grant?  
  
BENNTING: All will be revealed in due time. (They pass the comics tables with the yellow "caution" tape wrapped around them.) Ah, excellent! The convention hasn't started yet. I'm sure the instant it does, Grant will come running. Then my plan will be set into motion! Now all we have to do is wait. (Begins laughing maniacally. HICKS chimes in with his own diabolical laugh. The camera pans up to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing on the level above BENNTING and HICKS.)  
  
PAUL: (Looking over the railing at BENNTING and HICKS.) Would you look at these two homos, Silent Zach? Laughing like a pair of queer ass movie villains. (Smiles.) Hey. Watch this! (Begins snorting and clearing his throat. Hocks a loogie over the rail.)  
  
BENNTING: (From below.) Ack! What the hell?!  
  
PAUL: (Turns to SILENT ZACH.) Heh. Nootch!  
  
(SILENT ZACH rolls his eyes.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
(Scene opens with a very bored looking JASON PHELPS standing behind the counter of the comics store. He is seventeen and stands about 5'6", with combed brown hair. He has blue eyes and wears glasses. He is wearing blue jeans, a black shirt, and a red flannel over the shirt. Behind him, DEAN PONIVAS, aka PONTI is keeping himself busy moving boxes, stacking cards, etc. He is sixteen, a little shorter than JASON, with black hair, and brown eyes. He is wearing a green sweater and blue jeans. ERIK THE RED walks up, leafing through an issue of Extreme X-Men. He is eighteen, standing about 6'1" with shoulder length black hair. He has green eyes, and is wearing a red Cardinals baseball cap, a white t-shirt ,with a red over shirt, and baggy blue jeans.)  
  
ERIK: Damn, this is the biggest piece of shit Marvel has crapped out to date.  
  
JASON: Then why are you still reading it?  
  
ERIK: For continuity's sake.  
  
JASON: Continuity's sake?  
  
ERIK: Yeah. If Marvel ever pulls themselves out of this rut they're currently in, I wanna be able to know what's going on. Even if it is crappy, they can't just pretend it never happened later.  
  
JASON: I guess that makes sense.  
  
ERIK: Of course it does. (As he says this, a little kid walks up to the counter. To the little kid.) What the hell do *you* want?  
  
JASON: Erik!  
  
ERIK: What?!  
  
JASON: (To the little kid.) I'm sorry. Can I help you?  
  
LITTLE KID: Do you sell Pokemon cards?  
  
(PONTI, who has been working in the background this whole time suddenly freezes and drops the box he is holding. Slowly he turns to the little kid, a wild look in his eyes.)  
  
PONTI: I... hate... POKEMON! (He shrieks, leaps over the counter, and rushes at the little kid. The little kid screams and runs off, exiting the scene. PONTI stops, nods once, and goes back to work.)  
  
JASON: (Thumps his head against the counter.) I hate my life. I really do.  
  
ERIK: Well, if it's any consolation, Jason, I hate your life too.  
  
JASON: (Sarcastically.) Gee, thanks Erik.  
  
ERIK: No problem. (Goes back to reading his comic.)  
  
(JASON sighs and thumps his head against the counter again. LYLE, COREY, and KATJA enter the comic store.)  
  
LYLE: (Takes a deep breath.) Ah, comics. God's greatest gift to man! Well, besides that whole Jesus thing. (Notices JASON and ERIK.) Hey, I didn't know you guys were working today.  
  
JASON: Where've you been. We work every day. Except Sunday. The mall's closed on Sunday.  
  
ERIK: Well, then there's Ponti. He lives here.  
  
KATJA: Real dedicated worker, huh?  
  
ERIK: No, I mean literally. He lives here.  
  
KATJA: Oh... (Looks at PONTI. He smiles and waves at her.) Well, that's not at all sad...  
  
ERIK: So, Lyle, what brings you and your entorage here today?  
  
LYLE: What else? The comics con of course.  
  
COREY: That and the fact that you're here everyday, anyway.  
  
LYLE: Yeah, that too. (Sees the comic ERIK is reading.) Hey, isn't that the newest Extreme X-Men?  
  
ERIK: Yep.  
  
LYLE: Doesn't it suck the monkey?  
  
ERIK: Big time.  
  
LYLE: Okay, so anyway, I got... (Looks at his watch.) twenty-five minutes to kill. You guys got anything new?  
  
JASON: Not since yesterday.  
  
LYLE: Hm... damn. Well... (Walks over to the shelves and picks out a copy of the very same comic ERIK is reading.) I'll take this one.  
  
COREY: I thought you just said that issue sucked?  
  
LYLE: I did. It does.  
  
COREY: The why are you buying it?!  
  
LYLE: For continuity's sake! If Marvel ever pulls themselves out of this rut they're in, I wanna be able to know what's going on. They can't just pretend it didn't happen later.  
  
JASON: (In a bored tone.) Hm... deja vu.  
  
(COREY and LYLE look at him strangely.)  
  
ERIK: (Breaking the silence.) So, didja hear why teh convention is opening late?  
  
LYLE: Yeah! Some commie-nazi stole the signature comics!  
  
ERIK: Yep. Stole it right from the delivery truck. Driver just barely got a glimpse of the guy. Said he looked like a teenager.  
  
LYLE: Really? Grrr... if I ever find out who it was, there will be hell to pay!  
  
COREY: (In an exasperated tone.) Can we go yet?  
  
LYLE: (Looks at his watch.) Not yet! There's still twently minutes 'til the convention!  
  
ERIK: What's with him?  
  
COREY: Nothing.  
  
LYLE: Who, loverboy here? He's upset because he asked out his dream girl, Sheila Portmann, yesterday and got royally shot down. She said he was beneath her.  
  
ERIK: Now *that's* funny. (Thinks for a minute.) Wait a minute... *beneath* her?  
  
LYLE: Sean Williams kicked the crap outta him, too.  
  
JASON: Really? Why?  
  
LYLE: Cause Sheila is (makes quotation marks with his fingers.) "his girl". He's here at the mall with her too.  
  
ERIK: (To COREY.) He'll probably beat the crap outta you again if he sees you.  
  
LYLE: Which is exactly why I hired Paul and Silent Zach to keep an eye on him.  
  
JASON: Oh... (To COREY.) I'm sorry.  
  
COREY: (To LYLE.) Well, thanks for sharing my personal life with everyone!  
  
LYLE: Oh, what?! It's not like the whole mall heard!  
  
(A young man walks into the comics store.)  
  
YOUNG MAN: (To COREY.) Hey, aren't you the guy that got shot down by Sheila Portmann?  
  
(COREY groans in annoyance and storms out of the comics store, exiting the scene. LYLE and KATJA follow as well.)  
  
YOUNG MAN: (Watching them leave.) Jeez, what's with them? (Turns to JASON.) Do you guys sell Pokemon cards?  
  
(PONTI drops the box he is currently carrying and slowly turns to the young man.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.....  
  
(JAY and SILENT BOB walk out onto the white screen.)  
  
JAY: Once again, you fuckers have wasted another portion of your useless lives readin' this shit. I hope you've learned your lesson, and will heed my advice from now on. (Turns to SILENT BOB.) Shit, bitch, where the fuck were those horny chicks! That really friggin' pisses me off! (Turns to the screen.) Fuck you all! Stupid bitches! (Storms off. A few seconds after he is gone, three gorgeous and scantily clad women walk out. SILENT BOB starts when he sees them.)  
  
WOMAN #1: (To SILENT BOB.) Have you seen that sexy Jay anywhere around here?  
  
WOMAN #2: We read this fic last time we were here. He told all the horny chicks to come back... well... here we are!  
  
WOMAN #3: Yeah... have you seen him.  
  
SILENT BOB: Actually.... no.. he's not here. He didn't show up today. As a matter of fact, last I heard, he was skippin' today to go out on a date with some guy.  
  
WOMAN #1: Pffft... figures.  
  
WOMAN#2: Well this is the last time that jackass stands me up!  
  
WOMAN #3: Fucking queer!  
  
(The three women exit the scene. After a few moments, SILENT BOB, very pleased with himself, does likewise.) 


	3. Video Games are a Corruption of Today's ...

INTRODUCTION 3  
  
(Once again, standing against a white screen, smoking a cigarette, is SILENT BOB. Only this time, JAY is not with him. Instead, standing next to SILENT BOB is FanFiction.net author, T.S. QUINT. QUINT smiles toward the proverbial audience.)  
  
QUINT: Hello. Welcome to the third installment of my fan fic, Mallrats 2. I apologize for the lengthy hiatus... writer's block is a severe pain in the ass. But I'm back, and I've updated Mallrats 2, and my other stories are sure to follow. (At this point, everything freezes, and a dubbed in voice cuts in.)  
  
DUBBED VOICE: Don't miss other great fic's by T.S. Quint, such as Legacy of the Slayer, Ministry of Darkness, and, coming soon, Metal Gear Revelation: Cry of the Wolf! (Dubbed voice-over ends, and everything unfreezes.)  
  
QUINT: (Shaking his head) I'm such a shameless bastard... anyway, I'm sure you've all been wondering, "Where's Jay?" Isn't it usually he and Silent Bob who do the intros? Why are we stuck with you and Silent Bob?" Well, the answer is pretty simple. Jay and I kind of had a disagreement, and Jay is no longer under my employ. (SILENT BOB nods at this and takes a long drag from his cigarette.) So, I've decided to fill in for Jay. I've been practicing, and I don't even think you'll notice a difference. Here I go.(Clears his throat, then speaks in a tone, that is obviously supposed to sound like JAY's.) Snoootchy bootchy! Fuck fuck fuck! I wanna do some sluts and smoke some weed! Snootch to the nootch! I'm so blatantly homosexual it's not funny... but I ain't gay! I hate guys! I like da pussy! Noinch noinch noich! I speak nonsense baby words! I'm a jackass to everybody, but I can't understand why no one likes me. Fuck fuck fuck! (He stops talking. By this point, SILENT BOB is cracking up. QUINT continues speaking, in his normal voice now.) See? Basically a monkey's job. Any idiot could have done that. I'm not sure why I was paying Jay to do it. Anyway, here's the third installment, of Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoy it. (SILENT BOB nods, and he and QUINT exit the scene.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL  
  
Just outside the Arcade  
  
(Scene opens with PAUL and SILENT ZACH once again standing in front of the arcade. A small group is gathered around them.)  
  
PAUL: (To the group) Yeah. So I was playin' Soldiers of Fortune last night. Dude, that game is the fuckin' shits! I was on the second level, blowin' peoples' brains out, and blowin' shit up! It was awesome!  
  
(A MALL WORKER walks up.)  
  
MALL WORKER: Now that's exactly what's wrong with today's society!  
  
PAUL: What the shit are you talking about?  
  
MALL WORKER: It's because of video games that today's society is so corrupt!  
  
PAUL:(To SILENT ZACH) Can you believe this queer? (To MALL WORKER) So you mean to tell me, that fuckin' Pac-Man is a corruption?  
  
MALL WORKER: *All* video games.  
  
PAUL: Now *that* is fuckin' bullshit! If people went around imitatin' Pac- Man , they'd be sittin' in dark rooms, poppin' pills, while listenin' to repetitive music all the time!  
  
MALL WORKER: (Pauses for a second) Isn't that what ravers do?  
  
PAUL: Bitch, shut the fuck up, before I frag your ass, Quake style!  
  
GUY FROM CROWD: Yeah, you tell 'em!  
  
GIRL FROM CROWD: (To MALL WORKER) Yeah, fuck you, jerk-off!  
  
(MALL WORKER shakes his head, and exits scene. The camera pans way back to show BENNTING and HICKS walking past. BENNTING is currently running a wet paper towel through his hair, and is still carrying the black back pack that is eerily similar to LYLE's. They stop, about a dozen feet in front of the Arcade. Unseen to them, PAUL and SILENT ZACH begin pointing and laughing at them.)  
  
BENNTING: (With a disgusted look on his face) Did I get it all out?  
  
HICKS: (Looking closely) I think so, sir.  
  
BENNTING: Good. (His eyes narrow) I just know Lyle Grant had something to do with this! Why, he probably paid that delinquent to spit in my hair!  
  
HICKS: Sir, may I ask you something?  
  
BENNTING: (Out of the corner of his eye) That depends...  
  
HICKS: I know why *I* hate Grant. It's because he's picked on me every day of my life since the first grade. But why do *you* hate him so much?  
  
BENNTING: (An angry look crosses his face.) I remember the exact moment I grew to hate him... I remember it vividly!  
  
(Dreamy flashback music plays. Flash back scene begins. BENNTING is standing at the counter in the comic book store, a big grin on his face. JASON hands him a large box that says Magic: The Gathering on the side. BENNTING's voice is heard, giving the voiceover.)  
  
BENNTING: It was four years ago. At that time, I was an avid Magic player. I had entered a contest at the comic store, and won a whole box full of very rare and valuable Magic cards. Not a single card in it was worth less than fifty dollars!  
  
(BENNTING still has a big broad grin on his face, as he turns from the counter and starts towards the exit of the comic store.)  
  
BENNTING: (Still giving the voiceover) That's when that cursed slacker showed up!  
  
(As BENNTING is walking out of the comic store, LYLE comes running up. He runs straight into BENNTING and the box of Magic cards explodes open. The cards fly out and over the 2nd level saftey railing, fluttering to the level below. As they hit the ground, PAUL and SILENT ZACH casually walk over to them, look left and right, then quickly snatch them all up and run away. BENNTING stares in disbelief.)  
  
LYLE: (Looking over the railing) Oops. (Shrugs) Oh, well. (Walks away. Flashback scene ends.)  
  
HICKS: (Aghast) That's... that's horrible!  
  
BENNTING: Yes. It is. But he shall pay for it soon enough! (Glances at his watch) Egads! The convention is starting! Come, my lackey! (They dash off, exiting the scene. Camera pans back up to PAUL and SILENT ZACH, who had been standing in the background the whole time.)  
  
PAUL: What a couple of queers. (SILENT ZACH nods in agreement.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL  
  
The comic book convention  
  
(Scene opens showing a crowd of people gathered around the yellow tape that is blocking off the comics convention. Standing behind the tape are ERIK, JASON, and PONTI. ERIK and JASON are addressing the crow, while PONTI is arranging comics on the table.)  
  
JASON: Alright, ladies and gentlemen. The convention will be opening momentarily. We apoligize, as you will not be able to see the signature comics, do to an unforeseen occurance. (As he is speaking, ERIK picks up one of the comics on the table, removes it from its plastic cover, and begins leafing through it.) We ask that you do not remove the comics from their plastic covering, unless you plan on buying them.  
  
GUY FROM CROWD: (Same GUY FROM CROWD as earlier) Hey! (Points to ERIK) That guy's reading the comics!  
  
GIRL FROM CROWD: (Same GIRL FROM CROWD as earlier) Yeah!  
  
JASON: (Turns and sees ERIK) Erik!  
  
ERIK: What?!  
  
JASON: Did you hear what I just said?!  
  
ERIK: Yeah, so?  
  
JASON: I told these people that the comics were not to be taken out of their packages unless they were bought!  
  
ERIK: That doesn't apply to me.  
  
JASON: Oh, doesn't it? (Crosses his arms) And just why not?  
  
ERIK: Because I'm obviously not as stupid or careless as these people. I actualy know how to handle things that don't belong to me!  
  
GUY FROM CROWD: Hey!  
  
GIRL FROM CROWD: Fuck you, jerk-off!  
  
(The GUY and GIRL FROM CROWD both storm off, exiting scene.)  
  
ERIK: Hey! (Shouts after them) You can't shop here anymore!  
  
JASON: (Sighs and thumps his head against one of the tables) Why me... why? (PONTI walks up and pats him on the back. Just then a LITTLE KID walks up.)  
  
LITTLE KID: Are Pokemon comics sold here?  
  
PONTI: (Turns to the LITTLE KID and hisses) Die! (Vaults the caution tape. The LITTLE KID screams and runs off, with PONTI in hot pursuit.)  
  
JASON: (Watching) Yup... God hates me.  
  
ERIK: He should join the club.  
  
(JASON shoots him a dirty look as LYLE, COREY, and KATJA walk up.)  
  
LYLE: (To JASON and ERIK) Wow, they got you guys working down here, too?  
  
JASON: Yup... minimum wage... double shifts... working two jobs at once.  
  
ERIK: It's like working for Abercrombie and Fitch, only without the slave drivers and child labor.  
  
LYLE: That's why I work at McDonald's!  
  
COREY: Isn't that basically the same thing?  
  
LYLE: (Pauses for a moment) Hm... ya got a point there. Oh, well. I didn't come here to talk about work! I came here for the comics! And to get mopy here (Points at COREY) to cheer up.  
  
COREY: I'm not moping!  
  
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Ha! (COREY shoots her a dirty look.)  
  
LYLE: (To COREY, while looking at the comics) Puh-lease! All you've done since we got here is sulk! Hanging around you is like watching a soap opera. A badly written, horribly acted soap opera.  
  
KATJA: (To COREY) He's right, you know.  
  
COREY: (Throwing up his hands, and saying sarcastically) I've got good friends.  
  
LYLE: (Now leafing through a Spider-Man comic) Yeah, ya do. (Laughs at something in the comic) Stupid, stupid Parker. He totally wants the Black Cat. But noooo! He had to go and marry that bimbo, Mary Jane! And do you know why?  
  
COREY: Because he loves her?  
  
LYLE: No, jackass! Because she's a supermodel! She makes the big money! Parker needed somebody to pay his bills for him, being that he works as a photojournalist, for the classic jerkface boss, that looks remarkably like Adolf Hitler, he makes jack squat! He needs all the money he can get! Not to mention all the fame and glamour that comes with being the husband of a supermodel.  
  
COREY: So what makes you think he has such a thing for the Black Cat?  
  
LYLE: Come on, man! How could he not?! They're both superheroes, they're kindred spirits! Parker would never have to worry about super villains going after his "helpless" wife, because if they did, she'd kick their asses! Plus, sex with a cat burglar's bound to be more interesting than sex with a washed up supermodel that used to star in a friggin' soap opera called "Secret Hospital"! I mean, what with Parker and the Cat's combined speed and agility... it could make for some pretty hot lovin'!  
  
COREY: (Shakes his head) Why am I discussing this with you?  
  
LYLE: I dunno. Why are you? (Suddenly, BENNTING comes out of nowhere, and runs straight into LYLE causing them both to drop their black book bags.)  
  
LYLE: Who the fu-(Eyes narrow) Oh... it's *you*.  
  
BENNTING: (Quickly, and unnoticably picking up the bag LYLE dropped and leaving the other.) Watch where you're going, slacker!  
  
LYLE: *Me* watch where *I'm* going?! You ran into *me*! (BENNTING says nothing, instead exiting the scene with a devious grin on his face.) Stupid prick... watch where *I'm* going? (Picks up the remaining black bag)  
  
COREY: Did you see the way he was smiling? He did that on purpose!  
  
LYLE: Well of course he did! That asshole's had it in for me forever, and I have no idea why!  
  
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Well it couldn't possibly be because of your "wonderful" personality.  
  
LYLE: Ah, screw him! (Shifts the back pack he's holding) Hm...  
  
COREY: What?  
  
LYLE: This bag doesn't seem as heavy as it was. (Shrugs) Ah, well. I'm hungry. C'mon, we're going to the food court. (He, COREY, and KATJA exit the scene. As soon as they're out of sight, BENNTING walks back out into the open.)  
  
BENNTING: Ah, yes! It's all coming together now! (Starts lauging evilly. The camera pans back to reveal ERIK standing next to BENNTING, watching him.)  
  
ERIK: What's coming together now?  
  
BENNTING: (Turns to ERIK, startled.) What the... none of your business! (Storms off, exiting the scene.)  
  
ERIK: Hey... he can't talk to me like that! (Calls after BENNTING) You can't shop here anymore!  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL  
  
Foodcourt  
  
(Scene opens showing KATJA stading at one of the various resteraunts in the food court. She is just getting done paying for a drink, when LYLE walks up. As he does so, once more, the P.A. System beeps loudly.)  
  
P.A. ANNOUNCER: Attention mall shoppers. Would a Mike Rotch please come to the main office. Repeat, Mike Rotch, your son is on the phone... wait, what? ( There's a pause, and slight laughter is heard in the background.) Wait a sec.... okay, jerks, this just isn't funny anymore.  
  
LYLE: (Looking around.) Dammit! Where the hell is that coming from?!  
  
KATJA: Where's Corey?  
  
LYLE: Ah, he's sittin' down... somewhere... (Gestures vaguely to the left.) out there...  
  
KATJA: Isn't he your best friend? Shouldn't you be comforting him in his time of need?  
  
LYLE: Well, the way I figure it, since Corey isn't gonna be around after today, I need to start getting better aquainted with my other friends.  
  
KATJA: Isn't going to be around?  
  
LYLE: I'm not going to lie. If Sean Williams finds Corey, he's probably going to kill him.  
  
(The two begin walking.)  
  
KATJA: I thought Paul and Silent Zach were protecting him.  
  
LYLE: Are you kidding me?! I made all that stuff up about them taking this seriously. They probably forgot by now.  
  
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Wow... you're such a good friend.  
  
LYLE: I know.  
  
KATJA: (After thinking for a moment.) What's with those two anyway?  
  
LYLE: What two?  
  
KATJA: You know.. Paul and Silent Zach.  
  
LYLE: Oh, them. Well, from what I've pieced together, they're trying to model their personalities after their uncles.  
  
KATJA: Their uncles?  
  
LYLE: Yeah. Paul's Uncle Jay, and Zach's Uncle Bob.  
  
KATJA: Oh. Well... that's kinda cute. Imitating their uncles.  
  
LYLE: Not really. Their uncles are stoners from New Jersey.  
  
KATJA: Oh...  
  
LYLE: Yeah. Paul's uncle's got this whole big mouthed badass thing goin' on. Paul does a pretty good job of maintaining that image, but he does occasionally slip up.  
  
(Scene switches to show PAUL standing in an appliance store, watching one of the TVs.)  
  
VOICE FROM TV: No, Pa... he's my dog... I'll do it. I'm sorry, Old Yeller... this is the way it's gotta be... (A shot is heard. PAUL sniffles and a single tear rolls down his cheek. Scene swtiches back to LYLE and KATJA in the food court.)  
  
LYLE: And Zach's uncle's got this whole dark and silent deal. Zach, for the most part, does a pretty good job of keeping up that appearance. But he occasionally slips up, too.  
  
(Scene switches to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing outside the Arcade.)  
  
SILENT ZACH: (Singing loudly) I'm a Barbie Girl! In a Barbie Woooorld! Made of plastic! It's fantastic! You can- (PAUL smacks him)  
  
PAUL: Shut up!  
  
(Scene cuts back to LYLE and KATJA)  
  
KATJA: Huh... I see... (She and LYLE suddenly come to a stop in front of one of the tables. On it is a drink, and a half eaten sandwich. The chairs are all empty)  
  
LYLE: (With only a hint of interest in his voice) Hmm... this is where I left Corey. He seems to have left. (Plops down into one of the chairs.)  
  
KATJA: (Looking around, with concern evident in her voice) Where do you think he went?  
  
LYLE: (Shrugs) Hell if I know. (Picks up the drink on the table and begins sipping it, putting his feet up on the table, and leaning back)  
  
KATJA: (Looks around for a few seconds more, then sighs) I'm gonna go look for him. (She exits the scene.)  
  
LYLE: (shrugging again, calling after her.) Hey, if it feels good, do it.  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
TO BE CONTINUED....  
  
(QUINT and SILENT BOB walk back onto the white screen.)  
  
QUINT: Well, that was it. The third installment of Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoyed it. The fourth part shouldn't take too long. Now, it's come to my attention, that one or two of you actually want to film this. Have your people call my people, and we'll work something out. As for the rest of you, keep reading, and I'll keep writing. And review as much as possible. Reviews make me happy. (QUINT exits the scene)  
  
SILENT BOB: (Taking the cigarette out of his mouth) For those of you wanting to film this, what he meant by have your people call his people, is you can either email him about it, or Instant Message him. His email address, and AOL screen name are both in his profile. Thanks, and keep watching the skies! (The scene blacks out, as the theme from the X-Files plays.) 


	4. Of Bricks and the Notes Tied to Them

INTRODUCTION 4  
  
(T.S. QUINT and SILENT BOB once again walk out onto the white background.)  
  
QUINT: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another installment of Mallrats 2: the Next Generation. I am of course FanFic author T.S. Quint, and this is of course Silent Bob. (SILENT BOB nods.) Once again ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, a certain individual, who shall remain nameless (A picture of JAY flashes on the screen for a split second before vanishing again.) is still no longer under my employ. Not that we've been trying to return him to this fic, mind you. It was sort of a mutual thing that Silent Bob's associate parted company with us. (The words "We fired his sorry ass!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) We just wanted to clear up a few things however. (The words "And denounce any lies Jay may have told you about us!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) First of all, we hold no bitterness toward Jay. (The words "Jay was a no talent asshole!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) Second of all, though I may have made a few snide comment about Jay in the previous Intro, it was all in fun. (The words "I meant every word of what I said to that obnoxious, loudmouthed, very gay, stoner. Words cannot describe how much I loathe him!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) We'd like you to know, that I in no way shape or form enjoy being in the spotlight of the intros here. I much prefer to let my work do my speaking for me, and enjoy watching from behind the scenes. We want you to know that I am only a temporary co-host for the intros, and we are diligently searching for a more permanant replacement for Jay. (The words "Screw you all! The intros are ten times better now than they were with Jay, and I'm freakin' loving the spotlight! This fic would be nothing without me! Literally! Bwahahahahaha!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) Well, with that being said, here's the fourth installment to Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoy it. (The words "I don't care if you enjoy it or not, because it's damn good, and much better than anything you moes could come up with!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.)  
  
(And with that, QUINT walks off screen, exiting the scene. SILENT BOB blinks, a little shocked at what was scrolling across the bottom of the screen. He finally shakes his head, and exits the scene as well.  
  
END OF INTRODUCTION  
  
INT. MALL  
  
(Scene opens showing COREY walking slowly through the mall alone. A somber expression is on his face, and he can't help but let a sight escape his lips, as the events of the previous day have once again caught up to him. Off screen, a smack is heard, and JARRETT stumbles on camera, followed by an extremely angry looking, attractive young woman. She angrily shoves past COREY and JARRETT, and exits the scene.)  
  
JARRETT: (Not yet noticing COREY, he shouts after the ANGRY GIRL.) Hey! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it! (Nods and says more quietly, to himself.) She'll be back... (He turns and notices, for the first time, COREY, who has been watching him this whole time.) Oh, heya, Corey. Didn't see ya standing there. What's up?  
  
COREY: (In a somber tone, of course.) Not much. (Sighs and continues on his way.)  
  
JARRETT: (Following him.) You okay? You seem kinda down...  
  
COREY: You don't know? Sheesh I thought everyone in the whole friggin' town knew by now...  
  
JARRETT: Oh, is this about that whole Sheila thing?  
  
COREY: (Throwing his hands up and sighing, speaking to no one in particular.) Jeez, the whole friggin' town does know!  
  
JARRETT: Cousin, you really need to loosen up. I mean, look at me! Girls are turnin' me down, smacking me in the face right and left! But do I let it get me down? Hell no! Cause I know one day, they'll all come crawling back. (Watches a particularly pretty girl walk past him.) And if not, hey, there's plenty of other fish in the sea. You know what I'm saying?  
  
COREY: (Not really listening.) I just... I wish I knew why... I mean... what's Sean Williams got that I don't?  
  
JARRETT: Hmmm... Sounds to me like you need relationship advice.  
  
COREY: No thanks. Somehow I doubt you'd be able to give me the advice I'm looking for.  
  
JARRETT: Of course not. This is waaaay out of my juristiction. You wanna know what's going on in this mall, I'm your man. However, if you're in need of emotional and/or spiritual advice, you ask Brandy.  
  
COREY: (Gives JARRETT a quizical look) Who?  
  
JARRETT: (Gives COREY a sly grin and puts an arm around his shoulders.) Walk with me, my friend.  
  
(The camera stops following the two, and they walk off screen, exitting the scene.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL, OUTSIDE ARCADE  
  
(Scene opens showing PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing in front of the Arcade as usual. PAUL is fidgeting around, while SILENT ZACH just stares straight ahead with a bored look on his face.)  
  
PAUL: Jeez, Silent Zach, I'm fuckin' bored. Wish I had some fuckin' cash. (SILENT ZACH sighs and points to one of PAUL's pockets. PAUL glares at him.) Don't even fuckin' think of touchin' me there, tons a fun, or I'll knock your fuckin' lights out! (SILENT ZACH rolls his eyes, sighing again, still pointing. PAUL finally takes the hint and reaches into his pocket, producing the five dollar bill LYLE gave him earlier.) Holy fuck! Magic money! Do that again!  
  
(SILENT ZACH slaps himself on the forehead, silently "grumbling".)  
  
PAUL: What?!  
  
SILENT ZACH: Lyle gave that to you earlier!  
  
PAUL: (Smacks SILENT ZACH across the face) Dude! Silent! You're supposed to be Silent Zach! As in no fuckin' talking! How're we supposed to be like my awesome uncle Jay and your big, fat, dumbass uncle Bob, if you keep fuckin' talking all the time?! From now on, if you wanna tell me something, do it silently!  
  
SILENT ZACH: But you were-  
  
PAUL: (Cutting him off.) What did I just say?! Silently! (SILENT ZACH sighs deeply, falling silent, and shoving his hands into his pockets, glaring at PAUL. After a moment, PAUL looks at the five dollar bill quizically.) Why the fuck would Lyle give me five bucks?  
  
(SILENT ZACH glares at him for a moment, opening his mouth to speak.)  
  
PAUL: Silently!  
  
(SILENT ZACH gives him a withering look, then pauses, a thoughtful look on his face, as he thinks of a way to "silently" explain this. After a moment, he finally puts on a dazed, happy look, and smiles dreamily, putting his hands together above his head, forming a heart shape with them. After a moment, he pulls his hands apart and makes a sad face, sniffling.)  
  
PAUL: He was happy, then his heart exploded?! Awesome!  
  
(SILENT ZACH sighs, shaking his head, and rolling his eyes. He pauses thinking again, then after a moment holds his hand out, palm down, about waist height.)  
  
PAUL: Little? Small? Short? (When he says short, SILENT ZACH points at him, nodding excitedly.) It has something to do with... ah... shortness.  
  
(SILENT ZACH nods again, then pauses, holding up his hand. He suddenly just starts staring at a randomly passing girl.)  
  
PAUL: Uh... stares at girls? Me? That Jarrett kid? A peeping tom? (SILENT ZACH shakes his head after every one of these guesses.) Uhhh... stares at.... obsessed with girls? (SILENT ZACH looks at him, nodding, and holds up one finger.) One? Hm... obsessed with girls... one... obsessed with one girl?  
  
(SILENT ZACH nods excitedly.)  
  
PAUL: (Thoughtfully, rubbing his chin) Hmmm... short, obsessed with one girl... (snaps his fingers.) That Corey kid! Thats right! We're supposed to beat the shit outta him! (SILENT ZACH slaps himself on the forehead, sighing again. PAUL pauses thinking for a moment.) No... wait... that ain't right. It had somethin' to do with him, I think... something about him... and a girl... (Snaps his fingers again.) Now I remember! We're supposed to keep that prep, Sean, from kicking his ass for likin' that one chick!  
  
(SILENT ZACH breaths a sigh of relief, looking skyward as if to say "Finally!")  
  
PAUL: Finally got somethin' to do! Come on, Lunchbox. Time to go to work! (He walks offscreen, exitting the scene.)  
  
SILENT ZACH: (Watches him go then says quietly.) Woulda had something to do a long time ago if you'd just let me talk sometimes, dumbass. (Then he follows PAUL, exitting the scene.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL, FOOD COURT  
  
(Scene opens showing LYLE still sitting at the same table, still leaning back with his feet up. The camera pans over, showing BENNTING and HICKS sitting at another table in the food court, not too far away from LYLE, but far enough away that he wouldn't easily notice them. BENNTING is currently glaring darkly in LYLE's direction.)  
  
BENNTING: (Speaking in a soft, angry tone, still glaring at LYLE) Finally... finally you shall pay for what you did to me, oh so many years ago! Finally, you shall get your comeupance, you worthless, going-nowhere- in-life, slacker! You will learn to fear and respect the name of Quentin T. Bennting!  
  
HICKS: (Making a contemplative face) Sir... I've been wondering... what does the "T" in your name stand for?  
  
BENNTING: Doesn't matter! The time to act is at hand, my wretched lapdog! (Stands and grabs HICKS by the scruff of his neck, and pulls him into a two- man huddle. The camera changes to show a from-the-ground-looking-up view of BENNTING and HICKS from the middle of their huddle.) Now, what I want you to do, is go and find some mall security. Bring them to the edge of the food court. I'll be standing by Lyle. When I give you the signal, bring them over. Am I making myself quite clear on what I want you to do? (HICKS nodds hastily.) Good.  
  
(At that moment, the camera shifts to show a normal view of HICKS and BENNTING. From the outside, their "two-man huddle" looks very much like an embrace. SEAN and SHEILA walk up, arm in arm. They pause a few feet away from BENNTING and HICKS.)  
  
SHEILA: (Looking at the two with a disgusted look on her face.) Ewww...  
  
SEAN: Jeez, get a room, ya gays! (And he and SHEILA walk offscreen, exitting the scene.)  
  
BENNTING: (Growls and shoves HICKS away.) Get to work! (HICKS nods and hastily scurries away, exitting the scene for now. BENNTING then turns and strides over to where LYLE is sitting. He stands for a moment, unnoticed, until finally, he clears his throat loudly. LYLE, who's eyes have been closed, snaps away, quickly sitting up.)  
  
LYLE: What the-?! (Sees BENNTING, who now has a sinister grin on his face.) Oh... it's you. What the hell do you want?  
  
BENNTING: (Still smiling evilly.) Greetings and salutations, my dear Lyle. However are you on this fine Saturday morning?  
  
LYLE: Call me your dear anything again, and I'll kick your flaming teeth down your throat.  
  
BENNTING: (Chuckles.) My, my. Aren't we on edge today? Here I am trying to strike up a friendly conversation, and you're making threats! It's almost as if your nervous about something.... hiding something maybe.... or perhaps, feeling guilty?  
  
LYLE: What in God's name are you talking about? Trying to start up a friendly conversation, my ass! You know, and I know that you hate me! You're up to something.  
  
BENNTING: Me? Up to something? Heavens, no! I just came over here to see how my favorite student was doing.  
  
LYLE: Now that's the biggest load of bullsh-  
  
BENNTING: (Snatching the black back pack from where it's been resting near LYLE's feet, and interrupting.) You know, I've always been curious as to what you carry around in this book bag that you constantly have with you. You don't mind if I have a look, do you?  
  
LYLE: Yeah, I mind! (He makes a grab for the back pack, but BENNTING keeps it just out of his reach.)  
  
BENNTING: Goodness! Why so testy? Is there something in here you don't want me to see? Are you hiding something perhaps?  
  
LYLE: No, I just don't want you queering up my stuff with your cancerous touch!  
  
BENNTING: Well, if you're not hiding anything, why should you mind if I just have one quick look? (He quickly unzips the bookbag. The three signature comics fall out and onto the ground. BENNTING looks down at them, then up at LYLE, an insidious look on his face.) Why... are those what I think they are? And in your backpack?!  
  
LYLE: (Looking down at the comics, a look of disbelief on his face.) How in the... (He slowly looks up and sees BENNTING grinning. Over BENNTING's shoulder, a ways off, is HICKS at the edge of the food court, with two security guards, waiting for BENNTING's signal.) You! You set me up, you coniving asshole!  
  
BENNTING: (Grinning.) The only description given of the comics' theif was that of a teenage young man. Why... you're a teenage young man, aren't you, Mr. Grant?  
  
LYLE: (Glaring.) You'll never get away with this!  
  
BENNTING: (Chuckling.) I'm afraid I already have!  
  
LYLE: (Pauses.) Well then I guess there's just one thing left to do. (He suddenly grabs BENNTING by the shoulders and knees him hard in the groin. BENNTING lets out a yelp and keels over in pain. LYLE darts away, exitting the scene.)  
  
(The camera then shifts to show HICKS standing with two security guards.)  
  
GUARD #1: So, you're saying that your friend has the comics' theif?  
  
HICKS: Yup. And when he gives the signal, we're gonna rush over there, and you guys can arrest the theif.  
  
GUARD #2: (Squinting, looking at something off camera.) Uh... it looks like the perp just kneed your friend in the crotch. Maybe we should go over there now...  
  
HICKS: Nope. Mr. Bennting was very specific. He said to wait until he gives the signal.  
  
GUARD #1: I think the perp just got away. What exactly is this signal he's supposed to give?  
  
BENNTING: (Screaming in a high-pitched tone from off camera.) Hicks, you blithering idiot! What the hell are you waiting for?!  
  
HICKS: (Answering GUARD #1.) Uhhh... I think that counts. (The two GUARDS rush off camera, exitting the scene, while HICKS, who swallows nervously, hesitantly follows.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL, FOOD COURT  
  
(Scene opens showing SEAN and SHEILA sitting at one of the tables in the food court. There are two sodas and burgers on the table.)  
  
SHEILA: (Talking to SEAN, just finishing a story.) And then the little chiuauah actually had the gull to ask me out! Can you believe that?  
  
SEAN: Ugh... that's disgusting. The little waste actually had the nerve to speak to you. Unbelievable.  
  
SHEILA: Ah well. With the send off I gave him, I don't think I'll have to wory about him talking to me again for a while.  
  
SEAN: (Grinning.) Oh, really? What'd you say to him?  
  
SHEILA: I told him I'd rather be gutted by a chainsaw, have my head crushed in a vice, aaaaand... (pauses, thinking.) chew glass, I think... than go out with him. Oh yeah, and I said he was beneath me.  
  
SEAN: (Laughing.) Niiice... (Pauses.) Wait a second... he's *beneath* you?  
  
SHEILA: (Not really listening to him.) In any case, I'm glad I said that to him. I talked to Mary Sloan earlier, and she said she saw him here with his loser friends. I wouldn't want him talking to me or anything.  
  
SEAN: He's here? Well, he's lucky as hell I haven't seen him. I'd kick his ass again!  
  
SHEILA: Wait, what?  
  
SEAN: I said I'd kick his ass again.  
  
SHEILA: What do you mean, again?  
  
SEAN: After I saw him talking to you at school yesterday, I beat an insurance policy into him to make sure that he stays away from you.  
  
SHEILA: (Sighs.) God, that macho bullshit irritates me!  
  
SEAN: (In an exasperated tone.) Oh, what?!  
  
SHEILA: I told him to stay away from me. That was enough. Look, I don't like him, but I don't want you beating him up!  
  
SEAN: Would you relax? I didn't really hut him that bad. I just pushed him around a little, that's all.  
  
SHEILA: Well, you'e not gonna "push him around" at all aound me. Alright?  
  
SEAN: (Looks at her for a minute, then sighs.) Alright, fine.  
  
SHEILA: Good.  
  
(The scene then changes to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing somewhere in the food court. PAUL is currently writing on a piece of paper, while SILENT ZACH stands next to him, holding a brick.)  
  
PAUL: (Finishing.) There. I finished writing the letter, threatening Williams's life unless he leaves Corey alone. Now, we're gonna tie this note to that brick, chuck it over there-(points off camera)- where Williams and that Sheila chick are sittin', then fuckin' make tracks. Got it? (SILENT ZACH nods, then chucks the brick off camera, in the direction PAUL pointed. A crash is heard.)  
  
SEAN: (From off camera.) What the fuck?!  
  
PAUL: (Smacks SILENT ZACH.) What the fuck are you doing?! I'm supposed to tie the note to the brick *before* you throw it! (SILENT ZACH grits his teeth and smacks himself on the forehead.) Well, fuck it now! We gotta scatter before Williams sees us! (And he and Silent Zach run off camera, exitting the scene.)  
  
(The camera pans back to show SEAN and SHEILA. Both are now standing. The brick SILENT ZACH threw is in the middle of the table they were sitting at. Both of the sodas on the table are overturned, obviously knocked over by the brick, and, judging by the big wet mark on the front of SEAN's shirt and pants, his soda was knocked into his lap.)  
  
SEAN: (Looking down at the soda he's covered in.) Son of a bitch!  
  
SHEILA: (Looking at the brick on the table. In a confused tone.) I think someone threw a brick at us...  
  
SEAN: (Looking up slowly, a dark look on his face.) I'll bet it was that little prick, Corey...  
  
SHEILA: (Looking at him incredulously.) What?! Anyone could've thrown that! You have no proof Corey did it!  
  
SEAN: I don't need proof! I know it was him! And I'm gonna kick his ass so bad, they're gonna need dental records to identify him! (And he storms off, exitting the scene.)  
  
SHEILA: Sean! Would you wait a second! (She groans in annoyance, and follows him, exitting the scene as well.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL, OUTSIDE THE BOOKSTORE  
  
(Scene opens showing a booth located in front of the Mall's bookstore, D. Balton Books. There is a young woman sitting at the booth, with an extremely bored expression on her face. She is dressed in a grey skirt and business jacket, and has long brown hair, and dark brown eyes. She is very professional looking. This young woman is BRANDY. There is a sign above the booth that reads "Ask Brandy! Emotional/Spiritual Advice Counselor" in large print and "$5 per Question" below it in smaller print. Standing in front of the booth, talking, is the ever annoying MELANIE. And judging by the annoyed/bored expression on BRANDY's face, MELANIE has been jabbering on for some time now.)  
  
MELANIE: (Just finishing up.) I leave love letters in his locker, I follow him around and make absolute sure he knows I love him, and still Corey ignores me! And even worse, he sometimes acts like he hates me! I know he and I were meant to be together, I just wish I knew how to get him to realize this. What do you think I should do?  
  
BRANDY: (Sighing.) Well, I dunno. This guy really seems to hate you.  
  
MELANIE: No, no, no! He doesn't hate me! He just doesn't know he's in love with me!  
  
BRANDY: (In a less than enthusiastic tone.) Uh huh...  
  
MELANIE: Soooo... what should I do?  
  
BRANDY: You really wanna know what I think you should do?  
  
MELANIE: Of course!  
  
BRANDY: (Sighs.) Fine... I think this Corey character hates you. My advice? Get over it. Quit obsessing, and find someone else. Leave this poor guy alone.  
  
MELANIE: (Angry now.) That's it?! That's what you think I should do?! That's the worst so-called "advice" I've ever heard! How did you ever break into this professionally?! You obviously have no idea what you're talking about!!  
  
BRANDY: (In a bored tone.) Five dollars, please.  
  
MELANIE:....What?  
  
BRANDY: You asked a question. Now you owe me money. Five dollars, please.  
  
MELANIE: (Glares for a moment.) Fine... fine! (Reaches into her pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. She slams it down in front of BRANDY then turns to storm away... right into COREY and JARRETT.)  
  
JARRETT: (To MELANIE, not really looking at her.) Hey bab- (Get's a good look at her.) Woah! Nevermind! (MELANIE pauses, staring at him. Slowly she smiles.)  
  
COREY: (To JARRETT.) Now you've done it. You're marked.  
  
JARRETT: (Sarcastically.) Oh, goody. Well, as much as I'd love to stay and find out what happens.... (pauses, watching a pretty girl pass. He smiles.) I've got... things... to do. Catcha later. (And he exits the scene, heading the same direction as the girl that passed by.)  
  
MELANIE: (Calling after him.) Wait! Who are you? (She follows, exitting the scene as well. COREY watches, shaking his head.)  
  
BRANDY: (Looks at COREY.) ... And you are?  
  
COREY: (Turning to her.) Leaving... this is a waste of my time. (He turns, and starts to walk away.)  
  
BRANDY: (Calling after him.) Hmm... I sense rejection. Lemme guess... got turned down by a girl you like.  
  
COREY: (Pauses, and slowly turns to her.) How did you....?  
  
BRANDY: (Smiling.) How did I know? I know everything. You're the guy that got shot down by Sheila Portmann, correct?  
  
COREY: (Sighs and says in an exasperated tone.) How in the hell did you know that?  
  
BRANDY: (Shrugs.) Everybody knows that.  
  
COREY: (Sighs.) Of course they do...  
  
BRANDY: So... you got a question, or what?  
  
COREY: (Pauses a moment, before sighing.) Yeah, I guess I do. (He walks forward a bit, until he's right in front of the booth.) Okay, you see... I've liked this girl, Sheila, for about two years now. But I've always been too nervous to even talk to her. Then to make matters worse, the other day, when I saw her-  
  
BRANDY: (Interrupting.) You ran into a locker? (COREY pauses a moment, staring at her. BRANDY simply grins at him in return.)  
  
COREY: How did you...? (Shakes his head.) Nevermind... I'm sure everyone knows that too... Anyway, I finally garnered up enough guts to ask Sheila out yesterday, but not only did she decline, she told me off, and said I was beneath her... (He sighs, remembering.)  
  
BRANDY: Wow... wait a sec, beneath her?!  
  
(The camera suddenly shifts to show MALLRATS 2's DIRECTOR, and a CAMERA MAN. The DIRECTOR is sitting in a chair, while the CAMERA MAN is standing behind a large camera. The part of these two is played by the actual director and a camera man, so their appearance, is really irrelevant.)  
  
CAMERA MAN: (To the DIRECTOR.) Ummm... sir?  
  
DIRECTOR: Yes?  
  
CAMERA MAN: I know this is "your vision" and you're the "genius" and all, but... don't you think we've about run this "beneath her" joke into the ground?  
  
DIRECTOR: Nonsense! Statistics show that kids love those kinds of running jokes! And that equals good ratings!  
  
CAMERA MAN: Sir, this is a movie... movies don't get ratings.  
  
DIRECTOR: Sure they do! There's G, PG, PG-13, R-  
  
CAMERA MAN: Sir, those are content ratings. What you're thinking of are Nielson ratings, which are what TV shows get. Not movies.  
  
DIRECTOR: (Smiling.) Excellent, make it so!  
  
CAMERA MAN: (Bewildered.) Ex....cuse me?  
  
DIRECTOR: (Turns and glares at him.) ...You heard me...  
  
(The CAMERA MAN stares at him for a moment longer, then sighs, rolling his eyes, and shaking his head, before going back to filming the movie. The scene switches back to COREY and BRANDY.)  
  
COREY: Anyway, as if that weren't bad enough, right after I got done talking to her, this prep named Sean Williams, who apparently has been going out with her, shows up, beats the crap outta me, and stuffs me into a locker, coincidentally, the same locker I ran into before.  
  
BRANDY: Yeesh...  
  
COREY: Oh, it gets better! In order to try and get me to cheer up, my two best friends brought me here for this idiotic comic book convention. No sooner do we arrive, than guess who shows up? Sean and Sheila! Together! (He sighs.) Sometimes I think God is taunting me...  
  
BRANDY: Oh, I'm sure he's not, *taunting* you, per say... sooo anyway, what's your question?  
  
COREY: (Pauses momentarily.) I don't get it. What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't Sheila like me?  
  
BRANDY: Well, from what you've told me, you haven't done anything wrong. You seem like an okay guy to me. And this Sheila girl? She sounds like a huge snob. You're most likely better off without her. I'd say, the only thing you've been doing wrong, is looking for female companionship in the wrong place. Now, I'm not going to tell you you should stop looking for a girl all together. You're obviously the type that almost desperately needs companionship.  
  
COREY: (Sarcastically.) Wow. Thank you.  
  
BRANDY: Tell me, have you ever even considered asking another girl out, besides Sheila?  
  
COREY: (Pausing.) Well... no, actually. To tell you the truth, I haven't really ever thought about it. I... I guess I've been too busy trying to get Sheila. I haven't really noticed any other girls...  
  
BRANDY: And therein lies the real problem.  
  
(Before BRANDY can continue, she is interrupted by KATJA's voice, calling for COREY somewhere off camera. She suddenly rushes into the scen, next to COREY, out of breath.)  
  
KATJA: (To COREY.) There you are! Jeez, I've been looking everywhere for you! When Lyle and I came back to the table and saw that you were gone, we... well, at least *I* was worried about you!  
  
COREY: It's okay, I'm fine... I just needed to think about some stuff...  
  
BRANDY: (Looking back and forth between COREY and KATJA. Slowly, a smile forms on her face. To COREY.) Who's she?  
  
COREY: Oh, this is Katja. She's one of the friends I was telling you about. Katja, this is Brandy.  
  
KATJA: (To BRANDY.) Hi.  
  
BRANDY: Hello. So I hear you came for the comics convention?  
  
KATJA: Oh, no. I'm not really all that into comics. I just came along to help Corey here cheer up. He kinda had a bad day yesterday.  
  
BRANDY: So I've heard. (To COREY.) What time did you say you guys got here again this morning?  
  
COREY: Nine o' clock. As soon as the mall opened. Lyle wouldn't settle for anything less.  
  
BRANDY: I see... so this girl gets up at nine o' clock, on a Saturday morning, to go to a comics convention that doesn't interest her, just to be with you... (BRANDY smiles, as COREY doesn't quite follow.) Tell you what. You know that thing you've been looking for? Well, maybe you've been looking to hard for it. It's most likely a lot closer than you think. (As she speaks, she tilts her head toward KATJA.) Get it?  
  
COREY: (Slowly, his face brightens as it dawns on him. He looks at KATJA, who is just confused now. To BRANDY.) Yeah... yeah, I think I do. (He looks at BRANDY.) Wow... thank you! You've really been a big help. How much do I owe you?  
  
BRANDY: Ah, don't worry about it. I only charge obnoxious people. So far, I'm making a fortune.  
  
COREY: Alright... well, thanks again.  
  
BRANDY: No problem. You just remember what I told you.  
  
COREY: I will. (He and KATJA begin walking away. The camera follows them.)  
  
KATJA: So, what did you ask her about, anyway?  
  
COREY: (Shrugs.) Relationship stuff.  
  
KATJA: (Smiling and shaking her head.) Gee, go figure. Well, did you get the answer you were looking for?  
  
COREY: (He looks at KATJA, and smiles, seeing her in a new light. After a moment he says.) Yeah.... yeah, I think I did. (The camera stops following them, and they walk off screen, exitting the scene.)  
  
TO BE CONTINUED....  
  
(SILENT BOB is shown once again standing against a white screen. This time, however, instead of being joined by fanfic author T.S. QUINT, HOLDEN McNEIL is standing with him.)  
  
HOLDEN: Hi, I'm Holden McNeil. You may know me as former writer for the Bluntman and Chronic comic book. Anyway, I'll bet you're wondering, where's Mr. Quint? (SILENT BOB shrugs.) Well, you see, it was discovered, that Mr. Quint seems to be suffering from a severe egotistical mental defect. He is currently getting the proffessional help, he quite obviously needs....  
  
(Suddenly a screaming is heard, and two men in white coats walk on camera, dragging with them, a violently kicking and screaming QUINT, who is bound in a straight jacket.)  
  
QUINT: (Shouting.) You can't do this to me!! Ich bin der fuhrer! Deutschland uber alles!!! Deutschland uber alles!!!!  
  
MAN IN WHITE COAT #1: Come along Mr. Quint. We're taking you to a nice place out in the country.  
  
QUINT: I am the alpha and the omega! I am that which is, was and shall be again!  
  
MAN IN WHITE COAT #2: Of course you are. Right this way, Mr. Quint.  
  
(And QUINT is then lead off camera, exitting the scene.)  
  
HOLDEN: (Shaking his head.) Truly sad business... anyway, you might be wondering, "what's going to happen to Mallrats 2, now that it's writer has gone insane?" Well, we here at FanFiction.net would like to assure you, that a team of writers is being pooled to help finish this fic. And there's been talk of an ongoing Mallrats 2 the series, depending on how the public reacts. So rest assured, despite the fact that we are currently without an author, this fan fic will be finished, on schedule. Because that's simply how the good folks here at FanFiction.net operate. Quickly, and efficiently. (HOLDEN smiles, broadly as a cash register "chu-ching!" noise, is heard.) So until next time, I'm Holden McNiel. And I'm going off to collect my money, from the good people, at FanFiction.net. (And with that he turns, and walks off screen, exitting the scene.)  
  
SILENT BOB: By the way, he was serious about that Mallrats 2 series thing. It all depends on how many of you guys liked this fic, and like the idea of an ongoing series based on it. Let us know. So until next time, remember: Staying up until all hours of the morning, repeatedly watching low budget movies, like Clerks, and Mallrats, may lead to clinical insanity. Get out there and do something with your life. (He too, then walks off camera, exitting the scene.) 


	5. Lyle Grant does not Smell

INTRODUCTION 5  
  
(HOLDEN McNEIL and SILENT BOB, as always, walk out onto the white background.)  
  
HOLDEN: Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fifth installment of Mallrats 2. We know it's been a long time coming but, well.... some problems were made in the production. First of all, the team of writers we had pooled couldn't seem to cooperate.  
  
(The scene shifts to show a darkened room where a group of writers sit around a table thinking. Their faces are all hidden in shadow.)  
  
WRITER # 1: Oooo! I know! How bout we have Bennting turn out to be Lyle's father! That's dramatic, right?  
  
(The other writers groan.)  
  
WRITER # 2: Lucas, you've done that angle to death. Give it a rest.  
  
(The other writers nod and murmur their agreement.)  
  
WRITER # 1: Fine.... (he goes silent for a minute, before perking up again.) Wait, I got it! How bout, Corey goes crazy, kills a whole group of people, then Sheila decides he's attractive and falls madly in love with him? Ooo! And then in the end battle with Bennting, Corey gets his arm cut off! Cause losing limbs is cool!  
  
(The other writer's all groan. The scene shifts back to HOLDEN and SILENT BOB.)  
  
HOLDEN: Needless to say, that didn't work very well, and all the writers were eventually fired. So then we decided to test the whole "if you put 100 monkeys in a room for 100 hours" theory to see if they could come up with some ideas for Mallrats 2.  
  
(The scene switches to show a bunch of monkey's in a production room, screaming, and attacking eachother with notebooks and pencils. It then shifts back to HOLDEN and SILENT BOB.)  
  
HOLDEN: Needless to say, that didn't work either... so finally, it was decided that only the man himself, Mr. T.S. Quint, the man who had brought this story as far as it is, could finish it.  
  
(The scene shifts to show a mechanical claw lowering the "Mallrats 2" script down through a padded room, toward psychotic FanFic author T.S. QUINT, who is bound in a straight jacket. As soon as the claw releases the script, QUINT ravenously pounces on it. The scene shifts back to HOLDEN.)  
  
HOLDEN: Now we haven't read the product Mr. Quint, gave back to us yet, so this is going to be a surprise for both of us. Keep in mind, he is insane now, so this may not even be legible! But hey.... it's from the man himself, and it's straight from the heart! So without further adieu, I give you.... Mallrats 2, Part 5.  
  
(And with that, he and SILENT BOB walk off screne, exitting the scene.)  
  
END OF INTRODUCTION  
  
INT. MALL, INT. COMICS STORE  
  
(Scene opens showing ERIK THE RED and JASON back at their original post, behind the counter at the comics store. Behind them, moving boxes, packing, and unpacking cards and comics, is the ever-diligent PONTI.)  
  
ERIK: (To JASON.) So I said to him "Fuck you, man! I don't care who you are, or what you're looking for! You can take your little police badge and shove it!" That's when he maced me.  
  
JASON: (Sarcastically.) Wow, great story.  
  
(Before either of them can say anything more, however, LYLE suddenly comes dashing into the store. He dives over the counter, landing face first on ERIK and JASON's side. He then proceeds to lay flat on the ground, face down.)  
  
ERIK: (Looking down at LYLE.) (To JASON.) Well, that was unexpected.  
  
JASON: (Also looking down at LYLE, speaking to him.) You know, if you think diving over the counter is somehow gonna result in you getting something for free, you're wrong.  
  
LYLE: (Whispering, still on the ground.) Don't tell them I'm here!  
  
ERIK: Don't tell who you're here?  
  
(At that moment, BENNTING and HICKS enter, followed by two SECURITY GUARDS. LYLE is hidden from their view by the counter he dove over. BENNTING walks up to the counter, glaring at JASON and ERIK.)  
  
BENNTING: Now listen up, and listen good! I'm looking for Lyle Grant. I know you two are friends with him, so don't even attempt to pretend you don't know who I'm talking about! He comes in here practically every day, and is undoubtadely this wretched little store's primary source of income. Now, I'm going to ask this once, and once only... have you seen him?  
  
ERIK: (Shrugging.) Seen who?  
  
BENNTING: Graaaah!! (Very angry now.) Don't toy with me, you God-forsaken slacker! Have you, or have you not seen Lyle Grant?!  
  
ERIK: You're a liar.  
  
BENNTING: What?!  
  
ERIK: You're a liar. You said you were only gonna ask once. You've already asked twice. Is this what the word of an art teacher means?  
  
BENNTING: I...you...! Graaah!! (Just as he is about to wring ERIK's throat, JASON steps in between them.)  
  
JASON: (To BENNTING.) No, we haven't seen Lyle. Not since this morning. What's this all about?  
  
GUARD #1: (Stepping forward, from behind BENNTING.) Sir, your friend was the one responsible for the theft of the three signature comic books last night. While the comics themselves have been recovered, the perp himself is still at large. Are you sure you haven't seen him?  
  
JASON: Like I said, not since this morning.  
  
BENNTING: (Nodding, despite the obvious look of disbelief on his face.) You do realize that if you two are lying, it's an obstruction of justice. And that is a felony!  
  
ERIK: Look pal, if he'd been by here, we'd tell you. The guy's an annoying, obnoxious, self-centered freeloader. He comes in here everyday, reads practically every comic in the store, and doesn't pay for a single one. All he does is bitch and complain about his job, school, and people like you, and he smells like he hasn't bathed since the eighth grade. I for one, would be more than happy to point you in his direction. But I can't. Because he hasn't been here. Okay?  
  
BENNTING: (Eying ERIK up and down for a moment, before finally saying.) Fine. However, if he does come by here, I strongly urge you to alert the proper authorities. Because if you don't, that obstruction of justice will eventually become aiding and abetting a criminal. Am I making myself clear?  
  
ERIK: Crystal.  
  
BENNTING: Good! (He turns to HICKS and the two SECURITY GUARDS.) Let's go. (And the four of them leave, exitting the scene.)  
  
JASON: (To LYLE who is still on the floor behind the counter.) All clear.  
  
LYLE: (Jumps to his feet, glaring at ERIK.) I don't smell!  
  
ERIK: Sure ya don't. Great acting, by the way. I mean the way you were complaining earlier. I never would've guessed you took those comics.  
  
LYLE: I didn't take them, idiot! That asshole Bennting set me up! Somehow he managed to sneak those comics into my back pack!  
  
JASON: Umm... not that I don't believe you, Lyle, but that does sound kinda weak.  
  
ERIK: (Making a contemplative face.) Hmm... maybe it happened earlier, down at the convention. Ya know, Lyle. When Bennting ran into you, and you both dropped your identical black book bags, and he picked up the one you dropped, while you unwittingly picked up the one he dropped. (LYLE and JASON both pause and slowly look at ERIK. ERIK doesn't notice them right away.) Hmmm... maybe that was why he said it was "all coming together" and started laughing evilly... (He finally notices LYLE and JASON staring at him.)...What?  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
INT. MALL Foodcourt  
  
(Scene opens showing COREY and KATJA arriving at the foodcourt, at the same table where KATJA had left LYLE. Of course, LYLE is no longer there. The only sign that anyone had been there at all is the half drunk cup of soda that LYLE had been drinking from.)  
  
KATJA: (Sighs. In an exasperated tone.) I left him right here! (She turns to COREY and nudges him.) Sheesh, I turn my attention to one of you guys for five minutes, and the other one disappears on me!  
  
COREY: (Shrugs.) Oh, you know Lyle. He probably got bored waiting for you and either wandered off to the comic's store or back to the convention.  
  
KATJA: (Nodding slowly.) Yeah... you're probably right.  
  
COREY: (Pausing and looking at her for a moment.) Uhh... yeah... I think I am. At any rate, it's kinda better that he's not here, cause there's something I wanna talk to you about...  
  
KATJA: (Shrugs, taking a seat at the table.) Sure.  
  
COREY: (Quickly taking a seat across from her. He looks at her momentarily before beginning.) You see... I... well, ya know how... I guess... gaaah! (He thumps his head down on the table.) Why am I so bad at this?!  
  
KATJA: (Laughs and places a hand on his, speaking in a mock-soothing voice.) It's okay. Take your time. Try not to speak faster than your brain operates.  
  
COREY: (Cracks a smile.) Ha... ha... that was so clever, I'm beside myself. (He goes back to being serious.) I guess what I'm trying to say is... well... you know how I've been obssessing over Sheila?  
  
KATJA: (Shrugging again.) It's understandable. You like the girl.  
  
COREY: Well, see, that's the thing. I *did* like her. She was the only thing I could think about. She was practically the only thing I could see. I was pretty much blinded to everything else by her. I was so blind in fact that I... I couldn't even see the perfect girl. Even when she was right in front of me the whole time... (KATJA tilts her head, a quizzical look on her face as she doesn't quite understand. COREY slowly takes one of her hands in his across the table.) Katja, you... you've always been there for me. Yesterday morning, when I announced I was planning on asking Sheila out, you were there to offer encouragement. Yesterday afternoon, when I told you Sheila had turned me down, and Sean had thrashed me, you were there to offer your sympathy. When Lyle suggested we come here to help cheer me up, you gladly went along, even though you could care less about comics or the mall. You always understood me, always cared about how I felt. That's something that even Lyle, my best friend in the whole world, doesn't always do.  
  
KATJA: (Realizing what COREY is trying to say. Hesitantly) Corey... are you...?  
  
COREY: What I'm trying to say, Katja... is that it's you. You're the one. You've been right here beside me this whole time, and I've completely taken you for granted. But it's you, it's always been you. You're the one, Katja. The one I've been looking for, but until recently, hadn't even been looking in the right direction.  
  
KATJA: (Stares at COREY for a moment, a complete look of shock on her face. Slowly though... very slowly, a smile begins to spread across her face.) Awww... Corey, I... I feel-  
  
(But before she can finish, SEAN suddenly trounces onto the scene, seemingly from nowhere, and grabs COREY by the shirt, wrenching him to his feet.)  
  
SEAN: Here you are, you little ass! I've been looking everywhere for you! I'll bet you thought that stunt you pulled with the brick was pretty damn hilarious, didn't you?!  
  
COREY: (Wide-eyed and stunned.) Stunt? Brick? What're you talking about?  
  
SEAN: (Shakes COREY hard.) Don't even give me that, you worthless prick! You know exactly what I'm talking about! (As he is speaking, SHEILA comes running up.)  
  
SHEILA: Sean, what're you doing?! Can't you just leave this well enough alone?!  
  
SEAN: (Ignores her, instead turning his attention to KATJA, who has just stood up.) Oh, no you don't! You're not going anywhere either, sweetheart! (With one hand still firmly latched onto COREY, SEAN quickly reaches over and grabs KATJA by the wrist, very roughly, causing her to wince, and stagger in pain.)  
  
COREY: Leave her out of this!  
  
SEAN: (Exploding in COREY's face.) Shut up! I'm gonna teach you what happens to people when they fuck with me! And your little girlfriend here gets to watch! (Pauses as a RANDOM PASSERBY walks past.) But I can't do it here... too many people. (A grin slowly forms on his face.) So we'll go to the one place in this mall that no one *ever* goes into!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, JUST OUTSIDE THE NATURAL WONDERS STORE  
  
(A brief shot is shown of the outside of the store before we again...)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE THE NATURAL WONDERS STORE  
  
(COREY is suddenly shown being shoved into a shelf full of slinkies. The slinkies fly everywhere as COREY colapses to the ground. An enraged SEAN stands above him, still holding onto KATJA tightly, by the wrist, as a torn SHEILA stands behind him, not sure what to do. The NATURAL WONDERS CLERK, who is standing behind the checkout counter in the store, obviously, takes notice at the destruction of his merchandise.)  
  
CLERK: Hey! You're making a mess!  
  
SEAN: (Wheeling on the CLERK. Roaring.) Shut up!  
  
CLERK: (Yelps and ducks behind the counter.) I'm sorry! Don't hurt me!  
  
SEAN: (Turning back to COREY, glaring down at him, speaking in a very angry tone.) You are the worst kind of person there is. You're a little dipshit pussy that takes cheap shots behind other peoples' backs, hangs out with loser nobodies like that going-nowhere Lyle Grant punk, and are arrogant and idiotic enough to go after girls that don't belong to you!  
  
SHEILA: (Blinks.) Excuse me?! Don't *belong* to him? And just who do I "belong" to?  
  
SEAN: (Ignores her, shoving COREY, who has just managed to drag himself to his feet, back down.) You'll stay down if you know what's good for you, prick!  
  
(SHEILA, meanwhile, shoots SEAN a glare before darting out of the store unnoticed, exitting the scene. KATJA, who is still being held by the wrist, pulls back suddenly in an attempt to pull SEAN away from COREY. SEAN responds by twisting her arm violently, causing her to cry out.)  
  
SEAN: If you think I won't kick your ass too, just because you're a girl or something, you've got another thing coming!  
  
SEAN: (Stands suddenly when he hears KATJA cry out, and says in an angry, but at the same time, pitiful tone.) Let... her... go...  
  
SEAN: (Shocked at first, but slowly smiling.) Well... the little pricks got some fight in him after all... (He lets the wounded KATJA go, and pops his knuckles, chuckling.) This is gonna be more fun than I thought...  
  
TO BE CONTINUED....  
  
(HOLDEN and SILENT BOB are shown once again standing against the white screen.)  
  
HOLDEN: Well... I'm impressed! The psychotic managed to turn out a coherant piece of work. So maybe we won't have to find a new fanfic author after all! Well... the story's definitely coming close to a conclusion, so stay tuned, and we'll...  
  
(All of a sudden, JAY comes running out of nowhere, with a can of red paint in his hand. He begins splashing the paint all over the white background.)  
  
JAY: Yeah! How do you like that! Fuckin' fanfiction assholes, think you can keep Jay away! You can't keep me away! You can never keep badass motherfuckers like me away! And now, since yous tried to fuck me outta my money, I'm gonna fuck up this site like it ain't no thing!  
  
HOLDEN: Jay... what're you doing?  
  
JAY: What's it look like I'm doin', dumbass? I'm fuckin' up the joint!  
  
HOLDEN: So... you think splashing red paint onto the white walls is going to somehow effect the fan fic?  
  
(JAY pauses a moment, considering this.)  
  
JAY: Yeah... well.... uhh... ( He suddenly splashes the remaining paint all over HOLDEN and takes off running.) Naaaaga noooootch! (He exits the scene.)  
  
HOLDEN: (Wiping the paint off his face.) I'm sorry about that folks.... someone'll get fired over it. So until next time... I'm Holden McNiel.... here's hoping the check they paid me with doesn't bounce!  
  
(And with that, he and SILENT BOB walk off screen, exitting the scene.) 


	6. Napping in the Bedding Department Looks ...

A/N: Heidy ho, faithful readers... or those of you that are left after the long absense. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you all know that I've been tweaking and rehashing Mallrats 2, and all the original five chapters have been reuploaded with typos corrected, and little bits of new information that will all add to the ending I have crafted. There're also only two chapters left after this, but I'm going to wait to see if anyone's still READING before I bother finishing up. Also, you will notice there is no introduction with genuine Kevin Smith characters. In all honesty, I had only intended to write just that first Intro in chapter one, but it got such a good reaction, I forced myself to add more... and as it went along they got less and less funny, and it became painfully obvious that I was just throwing them together. Plus, I figure the stories far enough along to stand on its own now. So no more introductions, no more Jay, or Silent Bob, or Holden McNeil, or crazy, cooky, me. At least for now. So, now, here it is, part six of Mallrats 2: The Next Generation. I hope you enjoy.  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
NEXT SCENE OPENS: INT. MALL, BEDDING DEPT.  
  
(The scene opens showing the bedding department of the Mall's Sears store. Lying on a particularly comfortable looking bed, is SILENT ZACH. To his right, on a slightly larger and more comfortable looking bed is PAUL. Both have their eyes closed and look very relaxed.)  
  
PAUL: Alright, I'll admit it. This is pretty comfortable. But I still say it's gay lookin'.  
  
SILENT ZACH: (Nods, not really paying attention. Suddenly, his eyes pop wide open, and he sits straight up.) Spider-sense tingling!  
  
PAUL: (Sits up now, too. Angrily.) Dude! No talkin'! No...friggin'....talkin'! How many times do I have to tell you! You're Silent Zach. Si-lent!  
  
(Suddenly, a winded SHEILA comes rushing onto the scene. She pauses next to the bed PAUL is lying in, hunched over, with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.)  
  
SHEILA: (To PAUL and SILENT ZACH.) I need you two!  
  
(PAUL and SILENT ZACH pause for a minute and slowly look at eachother. They then smile broadly and nod.)  
  
PAUL: (Turning back to SHEILA.) Well, alright. Bed's right here, let's go!  
  
SHEILA: (Confused.) What? (Suddenly realizes what he's implying.) Ew! No! That's not what I meant! Look, you guys are friends with Corey Ryker, right?  
  
PAUL: Only until this five bucks he gave us runs out.  
  
SHEILA: (Pausing again.) Whatever. He needs your help! Sean Williams is getting ready to stomp a hole in his head at the Natural Wonders store, if he hasn't done it already!  
  
PAUL: (Looks at SILENT ZACH.) Looks like it's time to kick some ass, Lunchbox! (SILENT ZACH nods, and the the two of them leap to their feet. PAUL turns to SHEILA.) Lead the way!  
  
(SHEILA nods and she, PAUL, and SILENT ZACH dash offscreen, exitting the scene.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
NEXT SCENE OPENS: INT. MALL, INSIDE THE NATURAL WONDERS STORE  
  
(The scene changes just in time for us to see SEAN's fist collide with COREY's face. COREY goes sprawling back into another shelf, sending miscellaneous objects flying everywhere. It's pretty apparent, judging from COREY's ruffled and bruised demeanor, that he's been losing this fight. Badly.)  
  
SEAN: (Smiling down at COREY, rubbing his knuckles.) This is getting sad. My hands are actually starting to hurt from pouding your face so much. Oh well. It's about time I ended this anyway. I've got things to do. (SEAN raises his foot, preparing to stomp down hard on COREY, when KATJA suddenly flings herself at him, smacking him across the face so hard, she actually draws blood. SEAN staggers, reaching a hand up to his lip, touching the blood. He snarls, and suddenly grabs KATJA by the wrist again.) You wanna get in on the fight too, huh? Alright! You're in! (He raises a hand to strike her, when suddenly, PAUL leaps onto the scene out of nowhere, wrapping his arms around SEAN's neck from behind, in a sleeper hold.)  
  
PAUL: Yeah! What's up now, bitch?! Didn't think you'd have to deal with such a badass mofo like myself, didja?! Whatcha gonna do now, huh?! Whatcha gonna- (At that moment, SEAN kicks up his right foot behind him, nailing PAUL in the crotch. PAUL's eyes bug out, and he immediately releases SEAN, hunched over in pain. SEAN then punches PAUL in the side of the head, sending him sprawling to the ground.)  
  
SEAN: (Shaking his now sore hand.) What the hell was that all about?!  
  
(Before he even has a chance to regain his composure, SILENT ZACH comes charging in, with an aluminum baseball bat raised above his head. SEAN dodges him in the knick of time, just as SILENT ZACH is bringing the bat down. The bat misses SEAN, instead hitting a display full of bouncy balls. The bat ricochetes off the balls and into SILENT ZACH's forehead, knocking him to the ground. SHEILA, who arrived on the scene with PAUL and SILENT ZACH, sighs, smacking her hand to her forehead.)  
  
SEAN: (Looking back and forth between the now fallen PAUL and SILENT ZACH.) What is this?! You're those two idiots from school, aren't you? The ones that're in detention every single week! (He now notices SHEILA shaking her head.) And you! You brought them here, didn't you?! (Turns to COREY, glaring.) Why the hell is everyone taking your side?!  
  
KATJA: (Cradling her wounded arm, she steps up to SEAN, angrily.) Why is everyone taking his side?! You mean over your's? Well, hmmm, gee, Sean, lets think about this. Corey is a wonderful, caring individual, who appreciates his friends and their advice and input. That's why he has lots of friends who care about him and are willing to stick their necks out for him. He may get a little mopy at times, but, so what? Who wouldn't when they have to deal with people like you all the time! People who are arrogant, preppy, jerks who expect everyone to do what they want, when they want, and yell and scream, and hit people when they don't get their way! Now... why would anyone want to take Corey's side over your's? (Heavy sarcasm.) I have no idea!  
  
(The beaten COREY gazes at her, wide eyed, from the floor. SEAN meanwhile, is fuming at what KATJA has just said. He starts to take a threatening step toward her, when SILENT ZACH, still reeling slightly from his blow to the head, suddenly steps in his way.)  
  
SEAN: (Glaring.) You'll get out of my way if ya wanna keep your skeletal structure intact! (SILENT ZACH doesn't move, instead reaching into his jacket and producing a playing card of some sort. He hands it to SEAN, who eyes it suspiciously before taking it. He looks it over.) Charizard? What the hell is a Charizard? (He flips the Charizard Card over, reading the back.) A Pokemon Card?  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
(The scene suddenly cuts to the Comics Store, halfway across the Mall. ERIK and JASON of course are standing behind the counter, while LYLE is sitting on it. PONTI, who is currently scuttling around the store, abruptly stops, as if he hears something. He suddenly drops the box he is carrying, as an enraged expression forms on his face. He then charges out of the store. LYLE, ERIK, and JASON watch him leave in confusion.)  
  
LYLE:...the hell?  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE THE NATURAL WONDERS STORE  
  
(The scene then cuts back to the Natural Wonders store, where SEAN is still looking at the Pokemon card. He then shakes his head and tosses it to the side, looking up at SILENT ZACH, who is still standing between him and KATJA.)  
  
SEAN: (Sarcastically, to SILENT ZACH.) Well, gee, thanks for the gift. I'll keep it in mind when I'm breaking your head open!  
  
(SILENT ZACH shrugs as if to say "Whatever." Without warning, PONTI suddenly comes flying onto the scene out of nowhere, tackling SEAN to the ground, and battering him with his fists. SILENT ZACH smiles, nodding once, before walking over to COREY and helping him up. KATJA follows. As soon as he is able to regain his footing, COREY quickly moves to KATJA.)  
  
COREY: Are you alright?  
  
KATJA: (Moving her arm.) Yeah, I'll be okay... what about you? (She takes COREY's hands in her's, looking at him, concerned.)  
  
COREY: (Winces slightly when she takes his hands.) I'll be alright... eventually. I'm just a little bruised... severely... all over the place...  
  
(KATJA nods slowly, still looking at him with concern. COREY gazes back at her. The two stand silently, watching eachother for a moment, until suddenly, KATJA leans forward and kisses COREY. COREY's eyes go wide momentarily, in shock. Then, he realizes what's going on, and slowly the shock leaves his face as he kisses her back. SILENT ZACH is then shown helping PAUL up.)  
  
PAUL: (Standing gingerly, holding his groin.) Oooogh... thanks, Silent Zach. (Glaring offscreen, where sounds of PONTI still beating SEAN can be heard.) Yeah! Kill that son of a bitch! Make him bleed! (He winces slightly, shifting his stance.) Ow... I think I may have to put Little Paul's social life on hold for a while, you know what I'm sayin', Silent Zach?  
  
(SILENT ZACH just looks at him incredulously, shaking his head slowly. At the same time, SHEILA walks up to the two of them, with her arms crossed, looking over her shoulder where PONTI still hasn't let up on SEAN.)  
  
SHEILA: (Smirks, then turns to PAUL, raising an eyebrow.) What social life?  
  
PAUL: Oh, you're hysterical, you prissy, uptight, little bi- (SILENT ZACH quickly covers PAUL's mouth before he can say anymore.)  
  
(SHEILA glares at PAUL, before turning her head back to where SEAN is getting beaten. A quick shot is shown of him, still lying on the ground, while PONTI is now holding him by the shoulders and bashing his head repeatedly into the floor. The scene then shifts back to SHEILA, PAUL, and SILENT ZACH.)  
  
SHEILA: (To SILENT ZACH.) How'd you get that guy to come flying in here and attack Sean like that?  
  
PAUL: Silent Zach made Williams say the magic word!  
  
(SILENT ZACH produces another Pokemon card, and shows SHEILA the back.)  
  
SHEILA: (Looking at the card, raising her eyebrows.) A Poke- (SILENT ZACH quickly covers her mouth, preventing her from finishing.)  
  
PAUL: (To SHEILA.) I wouldn't say that if I was you!  
  
(The scene then shifts again to show the entrance to the store, where ERIK, JASON, and LYLE have all arrived on the scene. LYLE is now wearing a hoody, sunglasses, and a baseball cap that barely fits around his large afro. He is clearly in "disguise".)  
  
ERIK: (Pauses, seeing PONTI beating SEAN. Slowly a grin spreads across his face. He points.) Heh heh heh!  
  
JASON: (Noticing PONTI as well.) Woah... (He walks over to the enraged little clerk and kneels down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.) Uhhh, Ponti? I think you got him.  
  
(PONTI pauses looking up at JASON, then back to SEAN. He gives the prep one last punch, before looking back at JASON, nodding, and standing. The scene then shifts to show LYLE, who is walking toward COREY and KATJA. They are all joined by ERIK, JASON, PONTI, PAUL, SHEILA, and SILENT ZACH.)  
  
LYLE: (To COREY and KATJA, who have stopped kissing, but are still holding eachother.) Hey, there you guys are, I've been wondering where you went... sorta. Um... why are you guys hugging?  
  
COREY: (Looking at LYLE and raising an eyebrow.) Why are you dressed like that?  
  
(The scene then shifts to show a beaten and bloody SEAN lying on the floor. He slowly raises his head and looks at the group around LYLE, COREY, and KATJA. The scene then shifts again to show the group from SEAN's point of view. Each one around COREY is shown semi-individually. First, COREY and KATJA. Then LYLE and ERIK. Then JASON and PONTI. Then, finally SHEILA, PAUL, and SILENT ZACH. The scene then shifts back to SEAN.)  
  
SEAN: (Shaking his head, weakly.) I still don't get it... (he coughs, before letting his head drop back down to the ground with a thud.)  
  
(With that, LYLE, COREY, KATJA, PAUL, SILENT ZACH, JASON, ERIK, and PONTI all leave the store, exitting the scene. SHEILA walks over to SEAN, leaning over him.)  
  
SHEILA: (Smiling down at SEAN.) Looks like your "belonging" just got your ass kicked. (She gives him a good kick in the gut.) Jerk. (With that, she too exits the scene.)  
  
(The NATURAL WONDERS CLERK then walks up to SEAN, holding a small, white slip of paper, watching SHEILA leave.)  
  
CLERK: (Shaking his head.) Wow... hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn, huh? Ah well. (He bends down and places a slip of paper on SEAN's chest.) There's your bill for all the things you broke during your fight. Most business this place has had in a long time! Cha-ching!  
  
(SEAN lets out a long groan.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
NEXT SCENE OPENS: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
(The scene opens showing the inside of the Comics Store just as COREY, KATJA, LYLE, JASON, ERIK, PAUL, SILENT ZACH, and PONTI all walk in. LYLE removes the sunglasses and hat he is wearing and resumes sitting on the counter, as the others gather around, save for PONTI, who goes back to arranging boxes. ERIK and JASON resume their posts behind the counter.)  
  
COREY: (To LYLE.) So, Mr. Bennting's the one that stole the signature comics?  
  
LYLE: Yeah! And what's worse is, he made it look like I'm the one that did it! Remember when he ran into me, down at the convention? Turns out, that during the ensuing confusion, he managed to switch my back pack, with another one that he'd put the comics in! (He pauses as if something dawns on him for the first time.) Which means that bastard still has my back pack! (He pounds his fist on the counter.) Dammit!  
  
(ERIK, meanwhile, has flipped on a small TV that he has retrieved from under the counter, and has begun staring at it, in true mezmorized-by- television fashion. JASON watches this for a moment, and sighs, shaking his head.)  
  
JASON: (To ERIK.) I swear, what are they paying you for?  
  
ERIK: (Shrugs.) Beats me. (Turns up the TV. Perks up a bit as he does so.) Hey! That reporter girl's a hottie!  
  
JASON: (Rolling his eyes.) Wonderful. That helps the situation, Erik, thanks.  
  
ERIK: (Ignoring JASON, still watching the TV. He suddenly makes a face.) Aww, but she's standin' next to that Bennting freak! That just ruins it!  
  
(An almost simultaneous "Huh?!" erupts from the rest of the group, and their focus immediately goes to the small TV. The camera zooms in on the screen to show an attractive, female REPORTER holding a microphone and standing next to BENNTING, HICKS, and the two SECURITY GUARDS from earlier.)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE  
  
(The scene cuts to where the REPORTER, BENNTING, the GUARDS, and HICKS are all standing.)  
  
REPORTER: (Speaking to a camera.) I'm here at the Fairview Heights Mall, where three extremely valuable stolen comic books were recently recovered from the teenage delinquent that masterminded the theft. (Gesturing to BENNTING.) Here with me is the man responsible for the recovery of the comics, local Lutheran High School Art Teacher, Mr. Quentin Tyra Bennting, who-  
  
BENNTING: (Interrupting.) Um, pardon me, but Tyra is not my middle name.  
  
REPORTER: Oh, I'm sorry. What is your middle name?  
  
BENNTING: Not important! What is important, is this... (He turns and smiles deviously at the camera.) I got you, Grant! I finally got you! Now everyone shall realize what I have been trying to convey all this time! That you are a no good, vile, law-breaking, worthless slacker!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
(The scene momentarily cuts back to the Comics Store where LYLE and the others are intently watching the TV.)  
  
LYLE: (Glaring at the TV.) I'm not a law breaker, Nutt-less! You're the one that took those comcs!  
  
ERIK: (To LYLE.) Cause, ya know, he can hear you through the TV.  
  
LYLE: Shut up...  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE  
  
(The scene then cuts back to the REPORTER and BENNTING.)  
  
REPORTER: So, you're saying that you've seen this kind of behavior apparent in this young man before?  
  
BENNTING: Oh, yes. Being his art teacher, and having been so for the past four years and gotten to know Mr. Grant, let me tell you, that delinquent has had nothing but criminal activity on his mind since the day I met him!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
(Scene cuts straight to LYLE.)  
  
LYLE: What a load of bull-  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE  
  
(Scene quickly cuts to LYLE again.)  
  
BENNTING: He's an irresponsible vandal, who either cannot or chooses not to feel remorse for the life of ill conduct that he leads  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
(Scene cuts quickly to LYLE again.)  
  
LYLE: Lies! Lies!!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE  
  
(Scene cuts back to BENNTING and the REPORTER.)  
  
REPORTER: Can you give us an example of these supposed acts of vandalism?  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
LYLE: (Snidely.) No!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE  
  
BENNTING: Certainly. For example, last year in Art class, he refused to do any of his work correctly. I told the class to sculpt a scene showing motion. He throws two globs of clay together and hands it in!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
LYLE: (Jumping to his feet, shouting at the TV.) It was supposed to be a meteor hitting a building, asshole! (The others pause and look at him.) What? It was!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE  
  
BENNTING: And to top it all off, when I asked all my students to sculpt clay models of their own faces, he has the audacity to fill his with shards of dry clay, and give it no ventelation holes, so that the abomination explodes in the kiln and ruins everyone else's projects! And he did it all just to spite me!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
LYLE: Lying sack of... (Pauses.) Actually, that last part is true... (The others again pause and look at him.) What?!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE  
  
(HICKS suddenly steps forward and takes the microphone from the REPORTER.)  
  
HICKS: And not only has he done all that, but he's also tormented me since the first grade, constanty mocking me and hurling nasty names at me just cause the teachers happen to like me better than him! But we finally got him this time! Mr. Bennting's plan has succeeded! We-  
  
(BENNTING quickly clamps his hand over HICKS's mouth to keep him from revealing any more.)  
  
BENNTING: (Smiles quickly at the REPORTER, who is now looking at him strangely.) You'll, ah, have to forgive my associate here. He tends to ramble idiotically when he gets flustered.  
  
REPORTER: (Nods.) Perfectly understandable. From what you've told me it sounds like this Lyle Grant has put you and your life partner here through a lot.  
  
BENNTING: Yes, he certainly- (What the REPORTER just said suddenly hits him.) What?! Life partner?!  
  
REPORTER: Well, yeah. Aren't you two, uh... well, ya know.  
  
BENNTING: Dear God, no! I am a teacher, and he is merely my student! Nothing more!  
  
GUARD #1: (Standing of to the side with GUARD #2, whispers to him.) Funny... I kinda thought it'd be the other way around.  
  
BENNTING: (Fuming now.) That's it! This interview is over! (And he storms off, exitting the scene, HICKS following closely behind.)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, COMICS STORE  
  
(The scene cuts back to LYLE and the rest.)  
  
ERIK: (Still watching the TV.) Heh heh... she thought they were gay.  
  
LYLE: (Angrily pacing now.) I can't believe this!  
  
ERIK: (Shrugs.) I can. They come off as pretty gay.  
  
JASON: (In an exasperated tone.) Erik... (ERIK looks at him expectantly. JASON looks as if he's about to say something, then shakes his head.)... nevermind.  
  
COREY: (Watching LYLE pace.) So, you're sure it was Mr. Bennting that took the comics?  
  
LYLE: Of course I'm sure!  
  
KATJA: But the description of the thief said it was a teenager.  
  
LYLE: Well, obviously, Bennting had his little slave flunky, Hicks, steal them for him! That way, even if he did get caught, he'd still have the perfect patsy to blame it on!  
  
KATJA: Wow... this was a really elaborate plan, just to get back at you for misbehaving in class.  
  
LYLE: See? I always told you guys Bennting was a psychotic evil mastermind, but you just wouldn't listen to me!  
  
PAUL: So what you're sayin' is 'bout the only way we're gonna get you off the hook, is if Bennting fesses up himself?  
  
LYLE: Yeah, and like that'd ever happen.  
  
PAUL: (Pounding his fist into his palm.) It will if me and Silent Zach beat a confression outta him! (SILENT ZACH nods in agreement.)  
  
COREY: (Rolls his eyes. Sarcastically.) Yeah, good idea. Let's attack the guy who's surrounded himself with mall security.  
  
PAUL: Yeah! Now you're talkin'! Let's go kick some ass! (He and SILENT ZACH start toward the door. COREY grabs them by the arms and stops them.)  
  
COREY: Oh, knock it off, idiots!  
  
(PAUL and SILENT ZACH look at him for a moment, then grumble and take to sitting on the counter. KATJA, meanwhile, is shaking her head. She lets out a deep sigh.)  
  
KATJA: Well, Lyle, unless you can somehow trick Mr. Bennting into admitting that he was behind the theft, I don't know how we're gonna get you out of this.  
  
LYLE: Yeah... so in other words I'm more screwed than Pamela Anderson at a white trash rockers convention.  
  
KATJA: (Raising an eyebrow.) Well... I guess that's one way of putting it...  
  
(At that moment, the P.A. System beeps loudly, and once again, the P.A. VOICE rings out.)  
  
P.A. VOICE: Attention mall shoppers. Ms. Ima Queere, you left your car's lights on. Repeat, Ima Queere...aw, dammit! (Laughter is heard in the background.) I hate you guys! I really do!  
  
LYLE: (Looking around, appearing very annoyed.) Alright! Where.... in the freaking hell is that coming from?!  
  
JASON: What, the P.A. System?  
  
LYLE: Yes!  
  
ERIK: (Sarcastically.) Hmm, gee, I dunno... could it possible be coming from that speaker over there? (He points to one of the wall's corners above a shelf. A small, white speaker is located there.)  
  
JASON: Yeah... they got speakers like that all over the mall. They're all wired to the broadcasting radio in the management office in Sears.  
  
LYLE: (Pauses, as if something is dawning on him.)...All over the mall, you say?  
  
JASON: Yeah.  
  
LYLE: (Stroking his chin.) Hmmm... (After thinking a moment, he turns to KATJA.) Well... tricking Bennting into confessing is the only way to get me out of this, eh?  
  
KATJA: I don't see how else we would-  
  
LYLE: (Interrupting, putting one arm around COREY's shoulders, the other around KATJA's.) Well, then that's exactly what we're gonna do!  
  
COREY: (Giving LYLE an incredulous look.) And just how do you plan on accomplishing this?  
  
LYLE: (Grinning now.) You'll see. Follow. Paul, Zach, I'm gonna need your help too. I've got a brilliant plan!  
  
(And with that, he walks out of the comics store, exitting the scene. PAUL and SILENT ZACH look at eachother and shrug, before following, exitting the scene as well. COREY shakes his head, and looks at KATJA.)  
  
COREY: Hoo boy... this should be interesting.  
  
(And with that, he and KATJA too leave the comics store and exit the scene. ERIK and JASON watch them leave, and stand for a moment in silence.)  
  
ERIK: Ya know... I'd follow them to see how this all turns out... but I really could care less.  
  
(JASON nods slowly in agreement as we reach the...)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.... 


	7. Everyone Wants Five Thousand Dollars!

NEXT SCENE OPENS: INT. MALL, NEAR THE FOOD COURT  
  
(The scene opens showing BENNTING pacing back and forth. HICKS is standing off to the side watching him. Behind them, resteraunts and tables are visible, showing a relatively crowded food court. Despite the success of his scheme, BENNTING still has a scowl on his face.)  
  
HICKS: Mr. Bennting?  
  
BENNTING: (Still pacing, not even looking at HICKS.) What?  
  
HICKS: Well, sir... your brilliant plan seems to have gone off without a hitch. Security guards are everywhere in the mall looking for Lyle... but you still seem angry about something. Why?  
  
BENNTING: (Stops pacing, and wheels angrily on HICKS.) Why am I still angry? Why am I still angry?! I'll tell you why! Because he hasn't been caught yet! Despite all my best efforts, that worthless, disrespectful blemish on the face of humanity, slacker is still at large! He still isn't officially out of my life! He's made a fool out of me again and again, and I still haven't had my complete revenge! I'm beginning to grow a bit impatient!  
  
HICKS: (Slightly taken aback.) Well... with all due respect, sir.... I'm sure the mall security is doing their best. They'll catch him eventually.  
  
BENNTING: Eventually?! Eventually isn't good enough! I've put up with that slacker and his shenannigans for four years! I shouldn't have to wait! I deserve better than that! I deserve for him to be caught now! Not eventually! (He pauses, calming down, and looking around. Slowly, his eyes light up with an idea.) I've waited around long enough. Its time to take matters into my own hands!  
  
HICKS: Uh... what do you mean, Mr. Bennting?  
  
(BENNTING doesn't answer him, instead walking over into the food court, amongst the crowd of mostly seated people. He clears his throat loudly.)  
  
BENNTING: Excuse me! May I have everyone's attention, please? (Most of the people continue what they are doing, ignoring him. BENNTING speaks a bit louder.) Excuse me! (Still nothing. Now speaking quite loudly.) How would one of you like to make five thousand dollars?  
  
(Immediately, all the shoppers stop what they are doing, and turn their attention to BENNTING, who is now grinning evilly.)  
  
BENNTING: That's better...  
  
(The GUY FROM CROWD from before is shown, sitting at a nearby table, very attentative to what BENNTING is saying now that he knows money is involved. The GIRL FROM CROWD is also with him..)  
  
GUY FROM CROWD: Well, I'm pretty sure everyone here'd be willing to take five thousand dollars.  
  
GIRL FROM CROWD: Yeah... what do we gotta do?  
  
BENNTING: Ah. It's a very simple task really. (As he speaks, a crowd begins gathering around him.) There is a young man somewhere in this mall. The very same young man that stole three extrememly valuable comic books from the convention that is taking place here today. And while the stolen goods have been recovered the authorities are doing a very asinine job of capturing the felon. So, therefore, I'm offering five thousand dollars to anyone, anyone at all, that can get the job done!  
  
(A random voice from the crowd, possibly the man or girl from before speaks up.)  
  
RANDOM VOICE: But why are you offering the five thousand dollars? What do you get out of it?  
  
BENNTING: Personal satisfaction! I have my own reasons for wanting this perpetrator out of the way, and I am willing to part with large sums of money so long as it produces results!  
  
(The crowd starts murmering suspiciously. The GUY FROM CROWD is shown, with a contemplative look on his face. After a moment, he speaks up again.)  
  
GUY FROM CROWD: How do I know I'll actually get the money, assuming I get the job done? You don't exactly look like the type who can just throw five thousand dollars out the window whenever he wants.  
  
GIRL FROM CROWD: (Nodding in agreement.) Yeah.  
  
BENNTING: (Beginning to get irritated. He pulls out his checkbook.) Look, I'll write the check now, if that'll make any difference!  
  
GUY FROM CROWD: (Nodding slowly.) Well... if you give it to me up front...  
  
BENNTING: (Incredulously.) Up front?! I'll write it out, and even make it out to you if you want, but you will NOT lay hands on it until the job is done! What do you take me for?!  
  
(Before the GUY FROM CROWD can respond, a new voice suddenly interjects.)  
  
VOICE: A hate-filled, cranky, lonely, old man trapped in a 35 year old body.  
  
(All eyes suddenly turn to this new voice... which belongs to none other than KATJA. She is now standing amongst the throng that has gathered around BENNTING, a few feet away from the art teacher. On either side of her stand PAUL and SILENT ZACH.)  
  
BENNTING: (Slightly taken aback by KATJA's comments.) Uh... ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Ms. Katja Farrell, one of the most promising students at the Lutheran High where I teach.  
  
KATJA: (Waving her hand dismissively.) Don't even try it, Mr. Bennting. I know all about your scheme, and-  
  
BENNTING: (Interrupting.) Scheme? What scheme? I'm simply trying doing my part to insure that a criminal is brought to justice! You, my dear Katja, know that slacker Grant better than almost anyone, save for that unpleasant Corey Ryker. Surely even you can't refute the fact that Grant is nothing but an irresponsible, troublesome, aggrivating, rule-breaking, lazy, uninspired, slacker, who has no regard for authority, and seems to enjoy causing trouble to good, decent people such as myself!  
  
KATJA: Well... he may be all those things... but at his core, Lyle is a good person. He may not be the most respectful guy in the world, but he's not a criminal. Which is more than I can say for-  
  
BENNTING: (Cutting her off.) Unfortunately, that little detail is for our law enforcement authorities to decide, not you. And right now, our authorities seem to see fit to have Mr. Grant taken into custody. (Addresses the crowd again.) And there's five thousand dollars in it for anyone who helps make this possible!  
  
(At the mention of money, PAUL, who has been silent, and seemingly completely uninterested the whole time suddenly perks up. SILENT ZACH notices this, and looks a little worried. KATJA, meanwhile, crosses her arms, looking at BENNTING incredulously.)  
  
KATJA: Mr. Bennting, seriously. There's no way you have five thousand dollars to just give out like that.  
  
BENNTING: On the contrary, Ms. Farrell! According to my checkbook, which I've recently balanced, I have approximately five thousand and twenty three dollars and fifty eight cents in my account! Therefore, I can offer such a reward. Granted, I'll be left with only twenty three dollars and fifty eight cents to my name.... but, it'll be well worth it!  
  
KATJA: (Shaking her head.) You know... at first I thought you were just a jerk. Then I began thinking you were genuinely a bad person. But now I realize that you are completely insane. I almost feel sorry for you.  
  
(BENNTING glares at her as PAUL, who has been making a contemplative face ever since perking up at the mention of the five thousand, finally decides to speak.)  
  
PAUL: Five thousand dollars, you said?  
  
BENNTING: Yes, you worthless- (Suddenly realizes who he's dealing with, and smiles insidiously and begins speaking in an ominously friendly tone.) Uh... I mean. Yeees. Five thousand whole dollars! And it's all your's.... if you just tell me where Lyle Grant is hiding!  
  
(PAUL pauses, then slowly looks over his shoulder, to a Dotz: Ice Cream of the Future stand just outside the foodcourt area. The camera suddenly shifts to reveal LYLE and COREY croutched on the opposite side of the stand from BENNTING, KATJA, and the rest. COREY looks up at LYLE.)  
  
COREY: I'm not so sure about this plan of your's.  
  
LYLE: Not sure about this, huh? This coming from the guy who was so certain that Britton was the "one for him!"?  
  
(COREY shoots LYLE a dirty look. LYLE just grins at him. COREY sighs and shakes his head.)  
  
COREY: Well, I'm glad you're so confident.  
  
LYLE: Of course I'm confident! This plan is fool proof, so long as Katja doesn't screw it up!  
  
COREY: Katja's not the one I'm worried about. It's-  
  
(Suddenly, PAUL's voice is heard, cutting COREY off mid-sentence.)  
  
PAUL: (Loudly.) He's hiding behind the ice cream stand! Now, gimme my money, bitch!  
  
COREY: (Sighs, and finishes his previous thought in an exasperated tone.) -Paul and Silent Zach that I'm worried about...  
  
(Without warning, BENNTING suddenly dashes around the side of the stand. His eyes light up as he sees LYLE.)  
  
BENNTING: There you are!  
  
(LYLE, seemingly caught off guard, looks back at BENNTING, wide-eyed. There is an abrupt pause as hero and villain stare eachother down, before LYLE finally breaks the silence.)  
  
LYLE:.... eep.  
  
(And with that, he and COREY quickly dash off, exitting the scene.)  
  
BENNTING: You cannot escape me! I'll hunt you to the ends of the earth!  
  
(And with that, he too dashes off after the duo, exitting the scene as well.)  
  
(The scene then shifts to show KATJA, PAUL, SILENT ZACH, and HICKS who have all witnessed what just happened, and are still standing amongst the now confused crowd.)  
  
KATJA: (Slowly a grin forms on her face.) Hook, line, and sinker...  
  
(HICKS looks at her, confused at first. Slowly, as he realizes that his mentor may have just walked into a trap, his eyes widen. He turns in the direction BENNTING ran.)  
  
HICKS: Mr. BENNTING! Come back! It's a trap! (As he is speaking, KATJA nods to SILENT ZACH, who taps HICKS on the shoulder.) Mr. Nu- (turns to SILENT ZACH.) What?!  
  
(SILENT ZACH proceeds to punch him square in the face. HICKS collapses in a heap on the ground, unconcious.)  
  
PAUL: (Jabbing his fist into the air triumphantly.) Yeah!!  
  
END OF SCENE.  
  
NEXT SCENE OPENS: INT. MALL, AMONG THE UPPER LEVEL STORES  
  
(The scene opens showing LYLE and COREY running through the upper level. The camera shifts to show BENNTING in hot pursuit. It then shifts back to LYLE and COREY who continue to run for a few moments, before COREY finally stops LYLE in front of the Hot Topic store.)  
  
COREY: (Panting.) Here... let's hide in here!  
  
(He starts to run in, but stops when he notices LYLE isn't budging. Instead, he's staring up at the Hot Topic logo, with a look of disgust on his face.)  
  
LYLE: Bah! This place makes me sick! A franchised retail store that specializes in selling "punk" merchandise?! (Shakes his fist at the logo, shouting.) You can't commercialize punk, you bastards!  
  
(COREY rolls his eyes, grabbing LYLE by the elbow and pulling him into the store.)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE HOT TOPIC  
  
(As they enter, COREY pauses, looking around for a decent place to hide. Standing behind the counter, filing her nails, and looking very bored, is a Hot Topic clerk, a GOTH CHICK, dressed all in black, with long, dyed purple hair, and her lip, nose, eyebrows and ears considerably peirced. She looks up at the two as they enter.)  
  
COREY: Uhhh... (Spots a circular clothes rack.) There! (He quickly dives into the center of the clothes rack, pulling LYLE with him, hiding behind the clothes.)  
  
GOTH CHICK: (Pauses, then says.) Hey... hey! None of that in here!  
  
(The scene suddenly shifts to show the inside of the clothes rack where COREY and LYLE suddenly realize they're not alone amidst the clothes. JENN POLTEK is with them.)  
  
COREY: Jenn?  
  
LYLE: Locker gnome!  
  
JENN: (Smiling.) Hi, guys.  
  
COREY: What're you doing in here?  
  
LYLE: What else?! Nosing around in other peoples' business!  
  
JENN: Keeping myself up to date on current events!  
  
LYLE: Eavesdropper!  
  
JENN: Slacker!  
  
(The scene suddenly shifts to show outside the clothes rack, just as BENNTING enters the store. He looks around briefly, pausing when he hears voices coming from the circular clothes rack.)  
  
LYLE: Get a life!  
  
JENN: Take a shower!  
  
LYLE: Dammit! Why does everyone think I don't shower?!  
  
(BENNTING moves quickly over to the circular clothes rack, and deftly parts the clothes encircling it. LYLE, COREY, and JENN are all revealed. They all look at BENNTING like deer caught in the headlights.)  
  
BENNTING: Ah-hah!  
  
LYLE: Uhh... think fast! (He grabs JENN and shoves her into BENNTING. BENNTING staggers back and falls into a rack full of wallet chains. As this is happening, LYLE and COREY quickly climb out from the middle of the clothes rack, and dash out of the store.)  
  
BENNTING: (Lets out a growl.) Cursed slacker! (Picks himself up out of the wallet chains and takes off after LYLE and COREY..)  
  
(JENN and the GOTH CHICK both stand silently for a moment. Finally the GOTH CHICK breaks the silence.)  
  
GOTH CHICK: I've decided I hate working here...  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE TO SEARS  
  
(COREY and LYLE are once again shown running. They dash into the SEARS department store.)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE SEARS  
  
(COREY and LYLE are shown, still running, throughout the Sears store, dodging shoppers, and ducking into different aisles as they go. The camera shifts to show BENNTING enter the store. He pauses as he doesn't see COREY or LYLE, and begins scanning the store, looking for the duo. The camera then cuts back to LYLE and COREY, who by now are in the women's clothing department of the store, ducking down low amidst several clothes racks to avoid being scene.)  
  
LYLE: (Panting.) This... is why... I quit... jogging... in the mornings!  
  
COREY: (Pausing, also panting, though not as badly as LYLE.) You never jogged in the mornings.  
  
LYLE: (Nods.) Damn straight! And I never will! Ever! (There is another brief pause as the two try to catch their breath as quietly as possible.) Did we lose him?  
  
COREY: I dunno. Let me check. (He stands up straight, looking over the clothes racks around him. Directly to their left, two clothes racks away, looking the opposite direction from them, is BENNTING. COREY's eyes widen, alarmed at how close the art teacher is. He ducks back down.) Crap! He's like, right over there! (Gestures with his hand.)  
  
LYLE: Dammit! What now?  
  
COREY: Uhhh... (Looks around. The camera switches to COREY's point of view as he looks around, spotting a doorway leading into a hallway not too far behind them. The camera then switches back to LYLE and COREY.) This way!  
  
(He and LYLE crouch-walk their way toward the doorway, just as BENNTING rounds the corner where they had been standing, barely missing them. The scene then shifts to show LYLE and COREY enter the doorway. After they do so, the camera pans up to a sign above the doorway. It reads: "Ladies dressing rooms."  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE THE HALLWAY  
  
(LYLE and COREY are shown, standing in a narrow, darkened hallway. On either side of the hallway are 4 unmarked doors. At the end of the hallway, is a heavy gray door, marked "Employees Only". LYLE leans against the nearest door, still breathing heavily. COREY stands near the entrance to the hallway, keeping a lookout for BENNTING.)  
  
LYLE: Okay... seriously... I can't take much more of this! I think I'm having a stroke...  
  
(COREY suddenly wheels around quickly, a panicked expression on his face.)  
  
COREY: He's coming! Quick, hide!  
  
LYLE: Where?!  
  
COREY: Look around you! Anywhere! (Looks at one of the unmarked doors on the opposite side of the hall as LYLE.) In here! (He quickly opens it, and shoves LYLE in, slamming the door behind him... the instant BENNTING enters the hall.)  
  
BENNTING: Aha! I've found... (pauses, seeing that LYLE isn't present. He glares at COREY.) Mr. Ryker... where is he?  
  
COREY: (Leaning against the door he just shoved LYLE through.) Uhhh... where is who?  
  
BENNTING: (His glare intensifies.) You're in enough trouble as it is for helping him get this far, you'd best not make matters worse! Now, where is he?!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE THE UNMARKED ROOM...A.K.A., A LADIES' DRESSING ROOM  
  
(A close up is shown of LYLE's face. He is staring wide-eyed at something. The camera pulls back to reveal what it is he's looking at: A young woman, about his age, wearing nothing but lingerie, staring wide-eye back at him, halfway into a pair of jeans. The two of them just stare at eachother a moment, in the very limited dressing room.)  
  
LYLE: (Slowly, a sly smile forms on his face. He leans agains the door.) Well, hello, there!  
  
(An intensly dark glare slowly forms on the LINGERIE GIRL's face.)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL., BACK OUT IN THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF THE DRESSING ROOM  
  
BENNTING: I'm warning you, Mr. Ryker... if you don't tell me where Lyle Grant is-  
  
(Suddenly the door COREY is leaning against flies open, and COREY is forced forward as LYLE comes stumbling out. The LINGERIE GIRL reaches out and quickly shuts the door behind her again, with a slam.)  
  
LYLE: (Glaring at COREY, rubbing his face.) Oh, yeah, real good hiding place, jackass! I...(Notices BENNTING.) Wuh oh...  
  
BENNTING: There you are!  
  
(Once again, LYLE turns tail and runs, heading toward the back of the hallway. Without hesitation, he pulls open the "Employee's Only" door, and dashes through, exitting the scene. BENNTING follows close behind, dashing through the door, exitting the scene as well. As soon as the door closes behind them, the camera turns back to COREY, who is standing alone in the hallway, shaking his head.)  
  
COREY: I sure hope this works... (And with that, he turns, and quickly dashes out of the hallway, exitting the scene as well.)  
  
END OF SCENE.  
  
NEXT SCENE OPENS: INT. MALL, THE BACK HALLWAY BEYOND THE "EMPLOYEES ONLY" DOOR  
  
(The scene opens, showing BENNTING, just as he steps into the gray "Employees Only" hallway, just behind LYLE. The hallway is pretty bare, except for a janitor's closet, a soda machine, and a black, brass handled door at the end of the hallway. LYLE dashes to the brass handled door, and tears it open, looking over his shoulder once at BENNTING, before he enters. BENNTING, who is right behind him, allows the door to close before he gets to it. He smiles as he notices the plate on the door. It reads: "Sears Head Office." BENNTING grins to himself.)  
  
BENNTING: (Softly, to himself.) I have you now, you worthless slacker. Now I'm going to savor this moment! (He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE THE SEARS HEAD OFFICE  
  
(LYLE is shown, looking around the office. It isn't a very big room, big enough only for the three cluttered, desks inside, and a table in the far right hand corner, upon which sits a large radio of some sort, and a microphone. There are windows on the wall opposite the black brass-handled door, but shades are drawn over them. The whole office seems cluttered with papers, and other odds and ends that one would find in an office. There are also no other doors. If BENNTING enters, LYLE will be trapped. LYLE spots the radio and microphone on the table in the corner of the room and slowly moves toward it. He is almost upon it, when BENNTING suddenly bursts in, slamming the door behind him. LYLE wheels around to face him, his back now to the radio, obscuring BENNTING's view of it. LYLE looks worried, but at the same time defiant. BENNTING merely grins at him.)  
  
BENNTING: Finally... after all these years. After all the torment, and all the suffering, and all the trauma, I've endured from you! Its come down to me, and its come down to you. And I have you cornered. Like a helpless little mouse!  
  
LYLE: (Rolls his eyes.) God, Bennting, you talk like such a moe!  
  
BENNTING: (Shouts.) Silence! You are in no position to make petty insults! I've been dreaming of this day for years, Grant! Dreaming of the day where the whole world finally figured out what I've known since the first time I laid eyes on you! That you're worthless. A troublemaker. And most importantly.... (he grins evilly.) a criminal!  
  
LYLE: I'm only a "criminal" because you set me up! (The camera shifts to a quick view of LYLE's back and the radio. Unbeknownst to BENNTING, he reaches over to the radio and switches it on, turning its volume all the way up, and turning the microphone toward he and the sinister art teacher.)  
  
BENNTING: (Still grinning.) Yes... and what a beautiful set up it was!  
  
LYLE: So, you admit it! You are the one that stole those comics!  
  
BENNTING: (Seems surprised at this.) Of course I am!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, FIRST LEVEL  
  
(The hustle and bustle of the shoppers seems to have stopped, as all eyes are now turned skyward toward the strange conversation coming from the P.A. System.  
  
BENNTING: (over the P.A. System, continuing his previous sentence.) I'm disappointed, my adversary! I would have though you'd figured this whole thing out long ago!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE THE SEARS HEAD OFFICE  
  
LYLE: The only thing that didn't make sense, is why the witnesses said the thief was a teenager!  
  
BENNTING: (Laughs sharply.) That, my dear Lyle, was perhaps one of the more brilliant parts of my whole endeavor. In order to fool the witnesses, I had that brainless flunky of mine, Hicks, take the comics! That way, even if they were found, I could simply have blamed it all on him! After all, his finger prints are all over them!  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, FOODCOURT  
  
BENNTING: (Over the P.A. System.) Mine, needless to say, are not!  
  
(HICKS is shown groggily pushing himself up on his hands and knees, having just regained conciousness, when he hears what BENNTING has just said. He pauses, and shrinks back a little when he notices most of the people in the food court are now looking at him. Suddenly, a boot steps in front of him.)  
  
HICKS: (In a small voice.) Uh oh... (He slowly looks up to the boots owner: A mall SECURITY GUARD. One of the GUARD's he and BENNTING had following them around earlier.) Uhh... I'm in trouble, aren't I?  
  
(The security guard nods slowly. The camera then shifts to show KATJA, PAUL, and SILENT ZACH still standing in the food court, all looking up at the P.A. Speakers.)  
  
LYLE: (Over the P.A. System.) You're a sick, sick man, Bennting!  
  
KATJA: (Claps her hands together, smiling.) Ha! Yes!  
  
(PAUL and SILENT ZACH look at eachother and nod.)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, INSIDE THE SEARS HEAD OFFICE  
  
BENNTING: (Smiling twistedly at LYLE.) Sick? Maybe... maybe I am a little bit. But only because you've made me this way, you horrible deviant! But not anymore. I've finally won! I've finally bested you! After today, I'll never, ever have to hear from you again! (He can barely contain himself. He pauses, savoring what he feels is a sure victory. After a moment, he looks at LYLE again, and grins once more.) Do you have any final thoughts to express, before I drag you away to the bleak fate that awaits you?  
  
LYLE: (Smiles back at him.) Just one. (He suddenly pulls the microphone from behind his back and raises it to his lips.) This broadcast has been brought to you straight from the head office in the storage area of Sears Department Store. I'd like to thank our guest, Mr. Quentin T. Bennting, for idiotically blabbing his whole elaborate plan to the entire mall. Anything else you'd like to say, Mr. Bennting? (He raises the mic to BENNTING's lips. BENNTING simply stares at him shocked and wide-eyed, his mouth hanging open. He says nothing. LYLE brings the microphone back to his lips.) No? Well, that's quite alright. We're outta time anyway. Thank you for listening shoppers, as well as local law enforcement officials. Have a wonderful evening! (And with that, he puts down the mic, and switches the radio off.) You lose, Bennt-head!.  
  
BENNTING: (Turning pale now, sputtering.) You... I... No... NO!! This was supposed to be my moment of triumph! My ulCOREYate victory! But you've screwed it up! You always screw it up!! You screw everything up!!  
  
LYLE: (Shrugs.) I do what I can.  
  
BENNTING: (On the verge of hysteria.) This... this isn't over!! (He moves to the black brass-handled door, and rips it open.) Not by a long shot! I'll have my revenge!! I'll have my vengeance!! I'll get what I truly deserve!! (He turns, to run out the door.... and stops, when he sees COREY and two POLICEMEN standing on the other side.)  
  
COREY: You certainly will.  
  
(BENNTING stares wide eyed at the POLICEMEN, then at COREY. He then looks back at LYLE... and fury overtakes him. He lets out a loud, cackling bellow, before violently shoving past the POLICE and taking off down the hall. The POLICEMEN take off hot on his heels, and LYLE and COREY follow close behind them.)  
  
CUT TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE HALLWAY TO THE LADIES' DRESSING ROOMS IN SEARS  
  
(KATJA, PAUL, and SILENT ZACH are shown walking toward the hallway to the ladies dressing room, followed closely by the SECURITY GUARD who is dragging a now handcuffed HICKS. As they reach the entrance to the hallway, SILENT ZACH suddenly perks up as if he hears something. He stops the others.)  
  
PAUL: Whassup, lunchbox?  
  
(SILENT ZACH listens a moment longer, then motions for the others to step aside. They do so, as SILENT ZACH moves to the left of the entrance to the hallway, leaning his back against the wall. He stands tense.... and then suddenly jumps out in front of the entrance, so that he is facing the doorway, with his arm raised out straight to his side. The instant he does this, BENNTING comes blazing out of the hallway... and promptly clotheslines himself on SILENT ZACH's outstretched arm, backflipping in the air, and landing hard on his face. SILENT ZACH looks down at him, shaking his head, as PAUL, KATJA, the GUARD, and HICKS all walk up.)  
  
PAUL: Dude, that was friggin' awesome! (He looks up at SILENT ZACH and grins.) Ears like friggin' Superman and shit. (He and SILENT ZACH tap fists.) Nootch!  
  
(BENNTING groans, rolling over onto his back, and spitting out a tooth.)  
  
END OF SCENE  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.... 


	8. El Finado

A/N: Well, ladies and gentlemen... its been a long, long road... and after two grueling years, our story has finally reached its conclusion. I thank all of you that were there through the good times, the not so good times, the blood, the sweat, and the tears. Now, before we get too weepy, lets get to the big, great, grand, super, ultra, mega finale of my greatest work to day, Mallrats 2: The Next Generation! Its been fun!

NEXT SCENE OPENS: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE: A NEWS BROADCAST

(The next scene opens, looking like an on the scenes news report. There is a strip at the bottom of the screen, that reads: On Location: Fairview Heights Mall. LYLE is shown standing next to a REPORTER, the same REPORTER that interviewed BENNTING earlier. Standing with them are the two SECURITY GUARDS from before.)

REPORTER: (Speaking into the camera, holding a microphone.) I'm once again here at the Fairview Heights mall, where earlier today a local young man was falsely accused of having stolen three extrememly valuable comics from the convention taking place here today. Here with me now is that young man, Mr. Lyle Grant, who coincidentally is also the one responsible for bringing the true criminal, Quentin Bennting to justice. (She turns to LYLE.) Mr. Grant, what was it like being on the run, knowing the whole time who was behind the entire theft, but not having anyone believe you? (Holds the microphone up to LYLE. The heading on bottom of the screen changes to say, "Lyle Grant: Local high school student, hero, slacker.")

LYLE: Well, Sally-

REPORTER: (Interrupting.) Jenny.

LYLE: Whatever... To tell you the truth, I was pretty pissed off. I mean, the so-called authorities (shoots a dirty look at the two SECURITY GUARDS, who avert their eyes, embarrassed.) wouldn't even stop to listen to my side of the story. But, it's not like nobody believed me. I had a few true friends that stuck by me the whole time. (He looks off camera, and grins. The camera follows his gaze to show COREY, KATJA, PAUL, and SILENT ZACH all standing off to the side watching. The camera then turns back to LYLE and the REPORTER.) Besides, watching them cart off that stupid jackass, BENNTING, made it all worth it!

CUT TO: EXT. MALL, JUST OUTSIDE THE ENTRANCE: NEWS VIDEO FOOTAGE FROM EARLIER

(The heading at the bottom of the screen changes to say "Earlier today." BENNTING is shown being dragged toward a police cruiser parked in front of the mall's entrance, by the POLICEMEN from earlier, kicking and screaming. HICKS can be seen already inside the cruiser, crying his eyes out. A crowd of people is gathered around the entrance, watching the whole scene. At the head of the crowd are LYLE, COREY, KATJA, PAUL, and SILENT ZACH. The camera focuses on BENNTING, who is currently struggling to keep from being crammed into the now open back door of the police cruiser. The heading at the bottom of the screen changes to say, "Quentin Bennting: Local art teacher, comics thief, stupid jacka". BENNTING turns to the camera just before he's is shoved into the cruiser, and defiantly sneers. Its also pretty obvious that he's completely snapped.)

BENNTING: (In a deranged tone.) You fools are all diluding yourselves! No mere prison can contain the awesome might of Quentin Bennting! Soon, I'll be free again! And then I shall have my vengeance! You'll see! You'll all see! (He pauses, turning to LYLE.) But you... none shall feel the brunt of my wrath like you, my young friend! You will wish you'd never heard the name "Quentin T. Bennting".)

(The camera turns to LYLE.)

LYLE: I already wish I'd never heard your retarded name.

(BENNTING pauses, slightly taken aback by this.)

BENNTING: Uh... silence! You will not- (Before he can finish, the POLICEMEN make a violent attempt to shove him into the back of the cruiser. He bashes his head on the top of the door frame.) Son of a bitch! (He now much more willingly gets into the cruiser, and the POLICEMEN shut the door behind him.)

CUT BACK TO: INT. MALL, NEAR THE ENTRANCE: A NEWS BROADCAST

LYLE: Heh heh heh. (Turns to the REPORTER.) Think you could get me a copy of that tape?

REPORTER: (Smiles, before turning to the two SECURITY GUARDS.) Gentlemen, what was it like finding out that the man who reported the crime and worked with you in the entire investigation, was in fact the real thief? That, in a sense, the real thief was right under your nose the whole time?

GUARD #1: (Angry.) Hey, look lady, you- (GUARD #2 puts a hand up cutting his associate off.)

GUARD #2: Well, as you can imagine, it was very embarrassing. But- (He turns to LYLE.) We are very sorry, and are willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you.

LYLE: (Shrugs.) Eh. No biggie.

REPORTER: (Turns to the camera.) Well, ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, it has been a long day here at the Fairview Heights mall. But in the end, the real criminal's were caught, thanks to the efforts of a brave young man. I'm Jenny Keller. Goodnight.

(And with that, the scene goes from a News Broadcast, to a normal scene as the NEWS CAMERAMEN shut off their cameras.)

REPORTER: (Talking to the CAMERA MEN.) Alright, guys, that's a wrap. We're outta here. (She walks offscreen to help the CAMERA MEN pack up.)

(LYLE turns to the two SECURITY GUARDS.)

LYLE: So, you guys really mean that about making it up to me?

GUARD #1: Um... (shakes his head.) No. (And with that, he and GUARD #2 walk away, exitting the scene. LYLE watches them leave, shaking his head in disgust.)

LYLE: Assholes...

(PAUL and SILENT ZACH walk up, looking in the direction the SECURITY GUARDS left in.)

PAUL: You want us to take care of 'em?

LYLE: Nah, they helped get Bennting sent to prison. That counts for somethin'.

(The camera then changes to show COREY and KATJA, standing a few yards away from LYLE, PAUL, and SILENT ZACH, talking.)

COREY: Lord... (Sighs, rubbing his eyes.) What a long friggin' day.

KATJA: (Smiles at him, placing her arms around his neck.) Oh, I dunno... it had it's moments.

COREY: (Pauses, then looks up at her.) Soo... about earlier... when I told you how I felt about you. You do feel the same way, right?

KATJA: (Gives him a funny look.) Uh... I kissed you, didn't I?

COREY: Well, yeah... but...

KATJA: (She laughs and places her arms around his neck.) Of course I feel the same way. In fact... even though I didn't realize it 'til just today... I think I sort of always have.

COREY: Oh... well... good. (He looks up at her and smiles. She smiles back, and leans forward, kissing him. Just then, LYLE walks up.)

LYLE: Will you two cut that out? It's weird watchin' you guys kiss and stuff! (COREY and KATJA seperate, turning to LYLE. COREY gives him a semi- glare for interrupting their moment.) What's the deal with that anyway? (To COREY.) Since when have you cared about anyone else but that Sheila chick?

COREY: (Shakes his head.) It's a long story.

LYLE: Well, its only... (Looks at his watch.) Five thirty! We still have six and a half hours until the mall closes! That should be plenty of time for you to tell me your little story.

COREY: (His shoulders sag.) You mean after all that, you're still planning on staying until close?

LYLE: Of course! What you think I'm gonna let a little setback like being framed stop me! I came to enjoy every last second of this convention, and by God that's exactly what I'm gonna do... right after I go to the food court and get some food, I'm starving!

(And with that, he walks offscreen in the direction of the food court, exitting the scene.)

KATJA: (Shakes her head, and places an arm around COREY's waist.) He's your best friend.

COREY: (Shakes his head and sighs.) Yeah... he sure is.

(And with that, they follow LYLE, exitting the scene as well.)

(The camera then shifts to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing in front of the entrance to the mall. PAUL turns to SILENT ZACH.)

PAUL: Well, Silent Zach. Looks like our work here is done. (SILENT ZACH nods, and he and PAUL turn and exit the mall.)

CUT TO: EXT. MALL, JUST IN FRONT OF THE ENTRANCE

(We catch up to PAUL and SILENT ZACH just as they step outside, into the sun. They pause, looking at eachother, then looking around. Its almost an awkward kind of silence until finally, PAUL breaks it.)

PAUL: So... what now?

(SILENT ZACH pauses, thinking for a moment. Suddenly he lights up as if to say "Oh, yeah!" He reaches into the pocket of his trenchcoat, and produces a piece of paper, about the size of a dollar. It seems to be a check. He shows it to PAUL.)

PAUL: What the hell is that? (SILENT ZACH points to the signature on the check. It's BENNTING's.) Holy shit! That's that check for five thousand dollars that Bennting wrote out! How'd you get it?

(SILENT ZACH just taps his finger to his forehead. PAUL takes the check from him, and looks at it, beaming.)

PAUL: Wow! Five thousand whole dollars! That could buy, like... a million beers!

(SILENT ZACH's face suddenly falls. He looks at PAUL incredulously.)

SILENT ZACH: A million beers? That's only a five thousand dollar check, idiot.

PAUL:...So?

SILENT ZACH: Five thousand dollars... a million beers... doesn't something sound a little odd about that to you?

PAUL: (Gives SILENT ZACH a confused look.) I don't follow you...

SILENT ZACH: (Stares at PAUL for a minute, then sighs, shaking his head, and starting to walk off the camera.) Dumbass... (And with that, he exits the scene.)

PAUL: What... what! (He walks off after SILENT ZACH, exitting the scene as well.)

(The camera pulls back, until the entire mall is visible in one shot. LYLE's voice is heard giving the closing monologue.)

LYLE: . Well, that's it. That's my story. I guess the moral is, that no matter what happens, and no matter how bleak the circumstances or whatever, your true friends will always stand by you. Even if they are a short, mopy, hopeless romantic, or a girl who has no real appreciation for comics, or two delinquint kids who try too hard to be like their stoner uncles and really aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. Of course, that's just if you're looking for a moral to the story. If you ask me, the story's just about comics. And the mall. But whatever. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the show. And if you didn't, well... you know what you can do.

FADE TO BLACK END CREDITS ROLL

THE END

_I'd like to thank everyone who made this lil' ol' fic possible, particularly the people for whom the characters were a basis. _

_So thanks to Aaron, Paul, Zach, Kristin, Ponti, Erik, Mercer, Kate, Jim (even though you're a jackass), Britton (even though we haven't spoken in nearly a decade), Schelp, Brandy, Terry, Melissa (despite the annoying factor), and yes, even you, Mr. Nuttmann._

_And to anyone else I may have forgotten of course._

_Oh and ya know… Jesus, I guess for all the talent given and what not._

_The dying for the sins was pretty cool too._

_And of course, last but not least, you people that actually sacrificed the hours (and for some of you years.) of your lives to read this._

_Paul and Silent Zach will return (and soon, hopefully) in PUNKS AND PREPS!_


End file.
